A True Story from my Single Days:
I have found that in the wee hours of the morning in those fitful minutes before sleep my mind begins to wander, perplexing matters become astonishingly clear, and random yet useless thoughts come to complete fruition. For instance a couple of years ago late at night at about 2:03 am I realized that "evil" spelled backwards is "live" and furthermore, "devil" spelled backwards is "lived." What this means I do not know but it is true nonetheless.
And it was during this time a couple of years ago that I came to the unmistakeable conclusion that my old boss at work, Dan, is a little slow. I will explain that in just a minute...but first I have to explain this....
As satirists my friends and I often see the humor in the littlest of human vices. For instance there's this club on campus aptly named the Quill and the Sword Club...they brandish swords and capes and run around attacking one another with unseen spells and powers they apparently have cards for...much like a concealed weapons license I'm sure...I once saw them attack a perfectly innocent bail of hay for no reason...why they did this I do not know...they're monsters I tell you...monsters...
Anyway, while attacking the aforementioned bail of hay they kept yelling HAZAA!!! This I found was extremely amusing and began using the word sarcastically whenever someone would remark on something that was supposed to be exciting but in reality wasn't....
For instance:
"Lindsey I get to babysit the Bailey kids tonight"
"Hazaa!'
"Guess what! Night Rider is now on DVD!"
"Hazaa!!"
"There's a new episode of Star Trek Voyager on Tonight!"
"Hazaa!!!"
I think you get the idea. And this word soon became a daily conversation constant among my friends and me.
Anyway so one day at work Dan...the boss man...looked up from his desk and said, "Hey guess what you get to fix 25 scanners tomorrow"
Without thinking I said, "Hazaa!"
He looked greatly confused for a minute then relinquished to admitting his small vernacular did not include that word and asked what it meant. In an effort to explain what the word meant and the underlying sarcastic tone included I explained that in the days of yore upon attacking moat surrounded castles the knights would yell the word Hazaa in an effort to lift the spirits of the dreary and mutilated soliders...and now my friends and I yelled it in sarcasm. He laughed still confused and said "That's cool I'll have to start using that word.
Let me now describe Dan, he's a thirtysomething rock star wannabe, he's in numerous bands and "plays gigs" on the weekends for fun. With bleached hair and standing at 6'4 he certainly stands out in a crowd.
Anyway the next day at work I finished fixing all those scanners and was putting the last scanner on the rack to be QA inspected (that stands for quality assured in case you didn't know) when Dan looks over at me and with a big smile yells...yes yelled...."Pazaa"
I look at him for a second stifling the overwhelming urge to laugh and said "I'm sorry?"
"Pazaa!" he yelled again, "You're done!"
I looked at him and said, "No No No. It's Hazaa"
"Oh!" he said still smiling, "Kazaa"
"What?" I said unbelieving that he had just yelled the name of a favorite downloading website instead of Hazaa.
"Kazaa!" he yelled again smile now gone and replaced with a look of confusion..."Thats right isn't it."
"No...thats where you can download music and books for a small fee on the internet. HAZAA....HHHHHH.....HHHHHH" I figured since the "H" sound is a voiceless glottal fricative he might be having a hard time hearing it so I emphasized the H sound...and felt entirely retarded doing so.
"Ohhhh....Hazaa" he finally said, "That's not a real word" he continued looking annoyed at his own inability to pronounce the useless word.
And then he walked away.
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