Greg, Linds, Avery, and Bridger

Another Story from my Single Days:

Weird people seem to be drawn to me as moths to a flame, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised by Peter Olsen. (Note: in my experience the name Peter seems to carry with it a tendancy towards the weird and obtrusive) You see a couple of years ago I decided that I didn't need a social life anymore so I got a second job and began working strenuous 16 hour days. I would work from 8 until 4 at NuSkin and then go to my next job as a telemarketer (which in and of itself caused inner turmoil due to the fact that I hate telemarketers and therefore found myself hating myself) at MyFamily.com from 4:30 until 12:30. Anyway, it was during the first week of working there....though I only worked there for 15 days...that Peter sat down next to me one evening. I was busy trying to talk an uninterested elderly person into buying a subscription to Ancestry.com when Peter announced, "Its so hard to communicate with others when you have an IQ of 135." I should probably describe this Peter Olsen guy for you...he was about 6 feet tall, probably 180 lbs., 18-20 years old and looked like a very unattractive Harry Potter with an acne problem. At the time that he made this announcement the elderly woman that I was talking to hung up on me (I blame only myself)....so I turned to him and said, "You should try having an IQ of 170." I thought this was funny....he didn't...instead he responded by saying and I quote, "Oh so you have a high IQ too...do find yourself having to lower your verbal diatribe in the hopeful efforts of having people understand you?" I looked at him and said, "Ummmm no. But I don't usually open a conversation by openly flaunting a debatable measure of my intelligence while insulting the other party." (Yes I actually said that...college taught me how to use big words and everything) And then I turned around hoping to dam the gates of this useless conversation. He then felt it necessary to tap me on the shoulder and introduce himself, "My name's Peter. Do you like Charmed?" (For those of an older generation Charmed is a show on the WB involving scantily clad women witches fighting the bitter fight against demons and evil) I turned back around and said, "I don't have a lot of time for TV" He felt this denoted an interest on my part in actually participating in a conversation because he continued, "Oh well look what I just got on Ebay...an autographed picture of Alyssa Milano for only 80 dollars."
"Thats nice," I said.
"I'm going to hang it up in my room along with my other pictures of her and the rest of the Charmed cast."
"Thats nice."
"Do you like Animae?"
"No"
"Well I just got a great deal on a whole bunch of trading cards."
"Thats nice."
"I plan on selling them in about ten years because they're going to be worth thousands."
"Thats nice."
"My parents think its a waste of my money to buy all these pictures and cards but I like to look at them so I don't really care what they think...they were going to kick me out of the house."
"Thats nice."
"Yeah me and my parents don't get along very good (sic...he actually it just like this)."
"Thats sad."
"You know what I don't understand about girls?"
"Everything?"
"No I get some things...but what I don't get is why all the attractive girls go out with the stupid jocks who can't carry on a decent conversation or compute simple mathmatical equations."
"Girls don't like to talk and they don't like math." I said this in a way I would have thought a deaf man would have heard the sarcasm...but no.
"Girls do to like to talk."
"I was kidding...but frankly and I can't speak for the whole feminine gender but I like guys who are reasonably intelligent and can add and subtract."
"Then how come all the girls I ask out say no? Did you know I had to ask out six girls before I got one to go with me to Prom?"
"Ummm no I didn't know that. "
"Well I did."
"Did you ask nicely?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask them in front of a whole bunch of other girls?"
"No."
"Had you ever talked to these girls before?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever killed anybody?"
Once again I was joking...but he didn't think it was very funny. I knew this because he stood up and started yelling at me,
"THEY ACCUSED ME OF TRYING TO KILL SOMEBODY BUT I DIDN'T!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME! I THOUGHT SHE LIKED ME!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
I just kinda sat there and looked at him...irate screaming people don't really have a huge effect on me anymore because I got yelled at a lot at my old job...but all around me guys were starting to stand up and come towards us thinking they were going to save me from this obvious loon.
"Ok you really need to calm down there sparky, I was kidding."
He sat down and just kinda looked around and said, "Sorry I just don't like people accusing me of things."
"Number one I wasn't accusing you and number two I don't talk to people who yell at me." And then I turned around; the guys who had been coming to save me looked at me with eyebrows raised wondering if everything was alright so I just waved and smiled and they sat back down in their little cubicle. About ten minutes later Peter Olsen turned around again and tapped me on the shoulder and said,
"So you wanna go out sometime?"


This story was completely true...none of it was made up...I turned him down politely and never sat next to him again.