Born Free

At 5:30 one night I came home from work to find two of my roommates (there are 7 of us total in the house I'm living in) standing on the couch screaming and pointing. This is only slightly unusual so I asked them what was going on. More screaming in high pitches only dogs can hear followed, but I was able to decipher one word..."mouse." I laughed and wondered why on earth two grown females would be scared of a little mouse. A horrible tale of a demon attack mouse followed. While I was standing there the little thing ran out of the living room and into the kitchen. More screaming, more high pitches and pleas for help. So I went downstairs and got the broom. I figured I'd just sweep the thing outside..no big deal. This however proved harder than I originally thought because I had to sweep the mouse down a few stairs first and then out the back door. My roommates moved from the couches to standing on chairs in the kitchen cheering me on. I tried to guide the mouse to freedom using two different styles of manuevering...one was the croquet method...where you scoot the mouse as far as possible across the floor to the door...and the hurling method (you know the olympic ice sport) where you guide the mouse from the front to the place where you want it. After about 30 minutes of this I was finally able to set the mouse free, and there was much rejoicing in the house. About an hour later my other roommate came home. She went into her room and then about ten minutes later came out and asked, "Hey have you guys seen Penny?" All of us wondered who Penny was. "My new mouse. " You see my roommate has a unique affinity to rodents and her rat had died a few weeks prior and apparently she had just bought a new mouse that morning. Good thing my roommate has a sense of humor...we bought her a new mouse upon the condition that she make sure the cage is escape proof....and we promised not to play croquet with the new one.

Chair Suicide

So I had a little incident last night...I was outside talking on my cell phone...I was talking outside because I live in a dungeon/nuclear bomb shelter that gets absolutely no reception...just sitting on my "front porch"...maybe I should explain what Utah deems a front porch....its a concrete slab about 30 cm by 1 yard with what can only be described as football turf covering it...I think the Barbie dreamhouse had a bigger porch than we do (my roommates and I)...anyway I'm sitting in one of those camp chairs talking away when suddenly my chair decides it can't take being stuck on this poor excuse for a forest and throws itself down the stairs....now these aren't your regular stairs I think they were made out of very sharp metal and then covered with spikes and this wasn't a nice fall by any means...you know the type where you can catch yourself and then play it off as if you meant to do that...like all of a sudden you had the overwhelming desire to make sure the floor of the porch really was there or something...anyway as I'm flying through the air...actually it was more like tumbling down the three stairs I'm thinking to myself...Ow this hurts. Now I know what you're all thinking...it was only three stairs right...it couldn't have been all that bad...but remember the sharp metal and spikes so falling down those stairs was the equivilent of falling about two stories. So I get up, brush myself off, and off course look around to see if anybody had seen the what could only have been a hilarious sight. Nobody was there...so I picked up the cell phone and started talking again like nothing happened....but this time I just sat in the grass...it was a lot safer.

Anniversaries!

So it was our 6 month anniversary last Friday....the 30th of June marked half a year. Fortunately we both remembered on Thursday (the day before) and made a mental note to wish each other happy anniversary on Friday. You know month anniversaries are kind of dumb. I've realized this....I guess the first half a year anniversary is a little momentous but you know when we've been married for 33 years I doubt we'll take time to reflect on our 33 and 1/2 year anniversary.
Some people celebrate all the anniversaries...the first time they met, the first time they went out, the first time they kissed, the first time they both ordered water at a resturant...etc. To be honest, I don't remember the dates of any of those things...and I seriously doubt Greg does either (especially the water one). And thats ok with us.
When we got married the Patriarch asked us "How long will you remember this day?" Greg and I both figured that he was talking about the DAY...not the actual symbolic meaning of the day and the covenants we made to one another...I answered "30 minutes at least" and Greg said "I guess a year"....needless to say the man gave us a dirty look....
Dates aren't important to either Greg or me. We just kind of go with the flow. We didn't keep the top of our cake (I believe my family ate it soon after we left the reception hall)....shoot we didn't even cut our own cake (we had my grandpa do that...I know...weird huh...) I'm sure though when the actual year anniversaries role around we'll give each other a high five or a "good game" slap to commemorate the occasion...and when we're old and gray and can't remember the "day" we'll just be satisfied we still remember we have the same last name.


I call this the cancer patient look....all my hair is stuffed into my hat.... oh and those are Greg's pants and sweatshirt...apparently my "southern' clothes wouldn't keep me warm enough so I had to go Minnesotan.

HOT DOG!

As the Fourth of July fast approaches I stop to ponder a question that has racked the minds of even the greatest of philosophers. "What is in a hot dog?" I've heard the rumors....and I'm sure you've heard the rumors as well... So I spent some time researching this age old question. Here's what I found.

From the "National Hot Dog and Sausage Council": (Ummmm yeah apparently they have a council for EVERYTHING nowadays)

First, specially selected meat trimmings of beef and/or pork -- just like the meat you buy in your grocer's case -- are cut or ground into small pieces and placed in a mixer. When poultry hot dogs are made, poultry trimmings are used.

High speed, stainless steel choppers blend the meat, spices, ice chips and curing ingredients into an emulsion or batter. The mixture is continuously weighed to assure a proper balance of all ingredients.

The mixture is then pumped into an automatic stuffer/linker machine, where it flows into casings. The most popular brands of hot dogs use cellulose casings, which are later removed. Some wieners use natural casings, which remain on the wiener when it is eaten. These wieners are considered more "traditional," are frequently made by smaller manufacturers and tend to cost a little more.

Once the casings are filled, they are linked into long strands of hot dogs and moved to the smokehouse, there they are fully cooked under controlled temperature and humidity conditions. They may be hardwood smoked for added color and flavor.

After passing through the smoke and cook cycle, the hot dogs are showered in cool water. If the hot dogs were made with cellulose casings, they are sent to an automatic peeler, where the cellulose "skin" is stripped away.

The individual links are then conveyed to the packaging equipment. When cellulose casings are used, the hot dogs are of exact size and weight. They are vacuum sealed in plastic films to protect the freshness and flavor of the hot dog. Because the casings on natural casings wieners are made from cleaned and processed animal intestines, they are of similar, but not exact, size.

BEWARE THE VARIETY MEATS LABEL!!!

The NHDSC went on to tell all that when the package is labeled "with variety meats" then it will more probably contain all the of gross stuff we've heard about in all the rumors (note: they specifically mention hearts). So from now on CHECK THE LABELS!!!! Variety Meats=BAD

Just think of this Simpson clip....

So basically Lisa was pondering the "with variety meats" hot dogs.....GROSSS!

And with that I wish you all a Happy 4th of July!

STUPID BIRDS

Ok so birds have to be the stupidest (most stupid??) creatures on earth. All morning long a robin has been flying at full speed into my window....over and over and over. He sits on the tree outside my window and then suddenly and without any provocation attacks my window, banging his head, and then kind of gimply flies onto the nearest branch. This same sequence then repeats 5 minutes later. I'm thinking that since my windows are tinted the bird is seeing a reflection of himself and thinks he's attacking a potential enemy...that or he's so narcissistic that he has literally fallen in love with himself and in an effort to woo himself flies over to the window in the hopes of relieving his most affectionate come-on line only to be thwarted with a loud WHACK and an injured right leg. And maybe his mission president told him he should be persistent in his wooing (an excuse I've heard many times when young fellows aren't getting the hint and have resorted to stalking) so he keeps continuing the harrowing process of courting. Who knows?

And while I'm ranting about stupid birds....lets discuss Seagulls. They might be the dumbest of this dumb species. (Ever seen Finding Nemo...point proven) I remember once I was walking to BYU from my Grandparent's home one brisk morning (permit me now to digress about the weather in Utah...because I remember on this particular morning I woke up... got all ready, put my sandals on and was running out the door...because I was so LATE...when I got about 3 steps out of the door and realized that there was FROST on the ground....it had been like 80 degrees just the day before and now there was FROST....that's just disappointing, not to mention toe numbing...but I was late and a sandal switch could not be afforded.) so I'm crossing the mission field (the field in front of the MTC-Missionary Training Center- that only the missionaries can play on....every member a missionary was my answer to that veiled threat) and I see this flock of Seagulls...seriously there were about 50 of them just prancing about. Well I was not about to be detoured from my path across and just began walking right through them. I knew this would probably cause them to fly away and I was fine with that. However I did not expect what really happened. So I'm walking through the midst of the flock when they ALL take off. I figure they're goin to go land closer to the temple or at least 100 yards away...NOT 2 feet away directly in front of me. So basically by the time they're about to land I'm now walking in "their NEW space." So they take off again and ONCE AGAIN land two feet in front of me and take off again. This happened THE ENTIRE TIME I was crossing the mission field. I don't know....maybe they were attack seagulls hired by the church to ambush non-missionaries. But my point is still the fact that BIRDS ARE STUPID CREATURES!

Fire and Ice

Fire and Ice

So last night the final game of the Stanley Cup was played. The Carolina Hurricanes beat the Edmunton Oilers in a heart-stopping game with the final score being 3-1.

Ok I'm lying just a little bit. The game wasn't heart stopping....Greg loved it...but I was bored. I have to admit that since I've gotten married (5 1/2 months ago) I've probably watched more sports than the rest of my whole life combined. Sometimes its fine (I love college football season)...other times....I'm just going to say it....I hate baseball. It's completely boring to watch (I would compare it to watching bowling or golf). And it seems to be the absolute longest season of any sport (except for basketball, but I actually enjoy watching basketball....). Anyway....so last night we watched the Stanley Cup Finals....and during the commercials we turned it to a more (in my opinion) interesting show called Hell's Kitchen. If none of you have ever seen the show it's basically Surivior in a kitchen. There are teams and they have to make the best food in the best time yadda yadda yadda. The host is this really mean chef named Gordon who just yells all the time. It's great let me tell you. So between ice brawls we threw ourselves into the fire of the kitchen (hence the title of this blog).

One thing I did learn about Hockey though was it's probably one of the most tiring sports EVER. These guys skate around at full speed, get knocked around by other burly no-toothed men and not only have to stay on their feet but remain in control of a big stick and a small puck (which is like a ball but flat). One thing I noticed immediately is the ratio of mullet-headed men far surpassed the men without. I began to wonder if that was apart of the uniform requirements. I mean I had always heard the jokes about Hockey Players...I just assumed they were jokes....to my surprise they're not just jokes but facts. Maybe they're like Sampson of old, they think if they keep their hair long and don't cut it they will gain extra puck powers and be able to play better. I really don't know. It's merely an observation.

So the Carolina Hurricanes won, this in general I found to be surprising....because isn't Canada known for Hockey....certainly hockey isn't one of the South's stronger sports. But maybe this is just another way the South has found to stick it to the North. Some still say the South will rise again....maybe this is just the beginning.

EBAY LIVE

Well it's June 19 and I figure thats as good a day as any to start a blog, so here we are. And seeing how it's a Monday there is of course absolutely nothing to talk about. However let me share with you what went on with the Haweses last week(I'm pretty sure thats the plural for Hawes....it's either that or Hawi...like fungus to fungi).

Monday: We wake up and roll out of bed at the bright and early hour of 7:17. I am leaving for that hoppin sin city to the north for the week...so we carry my little bag to the car and we're on our way to work. (Both Greg and I work at the same company Bright Builders so it makes for easy commuting) We work and do our stuff, I in the Marketing Department and Greg in the Accounting Department, until around 11:45 at which point in time I'm informed it's time to ship out and leave for Vegas. You see I was off to the Ebay Live Convention (it's just as fun as it sounds believe me) !!! Since I'm over the Marketing Department they thought I should go and help market the latest version of Hammertap (an Ebay auction research program). Greg and I bid each other a tearful goodbye (actually it was more like... Lindsey: Ok so I'm leavin....Greg: Ok... Lindsey: I love you....Greg:Love you too. kiss on the the cheek and I was outa there). Then I loaded my junk into a 12 passenger van and that's when I realized I was about to hate my life for the next 8 HOURS....you know how it usually takes a maximum 6 hours to get to Vegas....well these people musta been going for some kind of record because it took freakin forever! At one point we even had to back track because the driver missed our exit (we were having to pick up some shirts which lucky people would get to wear at the conference....I swear that added a good 30 minutes to the trip). I finally got to Vegas around 7:45 Vegas time. I grabbed a not so great bite to eat at the Excalibur buffet and then went off to bed. Greg, meanwhile back in Provo, had gotten home from work around 4:30, run up to the church, shot some baskets, and then run home. He had a heavenly meal of spagetti and then had watched Sports Center til his heart's content and went to bed around 11:30.

Tuesday &Wednesday: Basically Tuesday and Wednesday became the same day because I did exactly the same things both days. Those being waking up bright and early, power walking across the Luxor hotel to the Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino (apparently everything in Vegas is connected in some sort of dungeonlike cave structure and therefore you would never have to see the light of day if you didn't want to...which of course is ideal for vampires), then screaming all day long to crazy Ebay sellers at the top of my lungs because Ebay decided it was a good idea to play the loudest music ever every hour or so...at which point utter chaos would ensue and people would dash to the nearest Ebay booth to get a quaint collectable pin...people would then commence to talk to you as if they had just been to an eardrum popping rock concert so I'm pretty sure... long story short, I have permanent ear damage and a few old ladies have some sort of paralysis due to the Ebay pin music. Greg, meanwhile back at the Bubble, was comfortably working in his office over at Bright Builders collecting money, counting it, and recording it (which coincidently is one of his favorite things to do).

Thursday: I woke up bright and early once again and dashed to the Mandalay Bay Hotel (something of a morning ritual) and was given a nice little surprise when I got there. I was allowed to go around the conference (wearing my baby poop green Hammertap shirt of course and carrying Hammertap buttons to handout) and check out all the other booths. I was able to get my picture taken with a Kramer lookalike at the HP booth (they were showcasing some fancy new Photo-on-the-Go Printer), get an airbrushed tattoo (don't worry it came right off with soap and water) at the "IT" booth (Ebay's most recent slogan is "do you have IT?") , get my picture taken with some scantily clad Vegas girls, picked up a ton of free junk (pens, paper, PC programs, etc.....nothing extremely cool but all free so I'm not complaining), and just basically wander around and be a walking billboard for Hammertap (which is an Ebay auction research software that explains when, how, and what to sell on Ebay). We left at 4pm for Provo having packed up all our stuff into the van the night before. Boy was I glad to be going home. Vegas I swear is the only place on earth where you could lose 10,000 dollars, see 5 half naked women, buy a 10 dollar hamburger, and get punked by a Mafia member all at the same time. So whilst I was retreating back to the Van of Death, Greg was having a blast at work, eating all the Rice-A-Roni a man could ask for and watching Sports Center all the live long night. I rolled into Provo around 2:00 am and ran up to my apartment (yes I literally ran because I had had to go to the bathroom since Cedar City....which surprisingly is now 4 hours away from Provo and not the 3 everybody else in the world thought...). I jumped into bed after taking a thoroughly cleansing shower and fell fast asleep next to a cute and quiet Greg.

Friday: I refused to go to work on Friday because of the stinkin long roadtrip, but Greg went and had a glorious time I'm sure. I got out of bed around 11:30, cleaned up the house a bit (Greg had done a pretty darn good job of keeping it clean while I was gone), and then started to unpack. Greg got home around 4:30 and while we contemplated what we should do on a fun Friday night the phone rang. Brian and Alicia invited us to join them for a dollar movie. We brought pizza over, ate like mad demons, and went and saw The Sentinel (that one with Keifer Sutherland and Michael Douglas....pretty good flick....a few nice shooting scenes....I have to admit I like gore).

That's pretty much it in our exciting lives last week. The weekend was fairly uneventful. We did spend a nice night at the temple doing sealings on Saturday, and both Greg and I wished our Fathers a Happy Father's Day.