Instead of writing to Santa this year, I've decided to write to others who can give me simple, easy, and virtually FREE gifts for Christmas.
Dear Mystery Work Bathroom Whistler,
I appreciate a good tune just like anybody else; however, when I am going to the bathroom, I would rather not hear God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Whether you're trying to mask other bathroom noises or just trying to stay in the Christmas Spirit I don't know, but your whistling kind of creeps me out. So as your Christmas Gift to me, would you please stop whistling in the bathroom.
Thank you!
Dear angry yelling children who love playing directly under my window,
Fact:Kids love to play outside. Fact:Kids love to scream and yell. I completely understand these facts, but do you have to be so angry?! Every afternoon after school gets out you all gather underneath my living room window; sometimes you have good times trading cards or riding bikes, and HOT DOG those are good days. However, on other days you yell and scream and shout at each other, calling each other names and then the crying begins. Not the happy I have a testimony or the I just got the best surprise of my life crying, but the ear drum piercing, want to strangle a banshee, "I'm telling" crying. So please, in the Spirit of Christmas, can you please stop the yelling?!
Thanks!
Dear Newlywedded BYU Family Ward Couples who make out during the Prayers,
You know, I love new love. It's so exciting and endearing to watch. And I should probably mention that, yes,...I open my eyes during the prayers sometimes, mostly to see which child is screaming...I try to guess and then see if I'm right. (I know, I know, completely inappropriate during a prayer); however, when I look up and see the wife whose head used to just be leaning on her husband's shoulder now ferociously making out during the opening, closing, or even the GASP! sacrament prayer a little piece of my soul dies. COME ON! IT'S A PRAYER! YOU'RE IN CHURCH! GOD IS WATCHING YOU! So can you please, for my Christmas present, for my soul, for your own salvation, PLEASE stop making out during church prayers.
THANKS!
7 comments:
AMEN TO ALL THREE!
Haha! I know what you're talking about...well, at least with the last 2. I rarely sing (or whistle) in the bathroom. In fact, I try to stay as quiet as possible so my kids don't know where I am for a full 5 minutes! I realize it doesn't take that long to go to the bathroom--it's just that when you can get peace and quiet, you do.
And, I'm now intrigued--I'm going to have to open my eyes during the prayer and see who you're talking about. Especially since we generally sit in the same area. I know it's not me. I'm lucky if I get to sit next to my hubby during church now. And, even when I do, I know my kids' eyes are open and they don't really need to see that anyway. Which, P.S., maybe someone should tell these making out couples that the adults may not be watching, but there are plenty of very young peepers wide open during any prayer.
Sooo I just went to use the work bathroom and I was hoping you were going to be in there. I had my rendition of "If I Only Had A Brain" all ready to start whistling to!
You're hilarious. I miss you.
Emily: You had the song "IF I only had a brain" in your head when I left work in Oct! I love that it's still there!
Lindsey: Holy cow I have never wanted to be in a BYU family ward more in my life then I do right now! First there is lady who shows here ho0-hoos during church, and now making out during the bread and water??!! LOVE IT! Once I accidently kissed Brenton on the cheak at church,(it was unvoluntary, like a tic or something) and I felt really dumb, I bet they are the couple that makes out at all the red lights too! Please bring your camera phone next time...I mean you are already breaking the rules by opening your eyes, you might as well help others! :) MIss you!
Lindsey, you crack me up. Hi, by the way. :) Are you SERIOUS about the kissing during the prayers thing? That totally weirds me out. Of course so did the guy that called his girlfriend in Washington and put her on speakerphone so she could hear his talk on my first week in my BYU Singles ward. Ah, memories.
Of course! How could I forget you?! I'm kicking myself right now.
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