Instead of writing to Santa this year, I've decided to write to others who can give me simple, easy, and virtually FREE gifts for Christmas.
Dear Mystery Work Bathroom Whistler,
I appreciate a good tune just like anybody else; however, when I am going to the bathroom, I would rather not hear God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Whether you're trying to mask other bathroom noises or just trying to stay in the Christmas Spirit I don't know, but your whistling kind of creeps me out. So as your Christmas Gift to me, would you please stop whistling in the bathroom.
Thank you!
Dear angry yelling children who love playing directly under my window,
Fact:Kids love to play outside. Fact:Kids love to scream and yell. I completely understand these facts, but do you have to be so angry?! Every afternoon after school gets out you all gather underneath my living room window; sometimes you have good times trading cards or riding bikes, and HOT DOG those are good days. However, on other days you yell and scream and shout at each other, calling each other names and then the crying begins. Not the happy I have a testimony or the I just got the best surprise of my life crying, but the ear drum piercing, want to strangle a banshee, "I'm telling" crying. So please, in the Spirit of Christmas, can you please stop the yelling?!
Thanks!
Dear Newlywedded BYU Family Ward Couples who make out during the Prayers,
You know, I love new love. It's so exciting and endearing to watch. And I should probably mention that, yes,...I open my eyes during the prayers sometimes, mostly to see which child is screaming...I try to guess and then see if I'm right. (I know, I know, completely inappropriate during a prayer); however, when I look up and see the wife whose head used to just be leaning on her husband's shoulder now ferociously making out during the opening, closing, or even the GASP! sacrament prayer a little piece of my soul dies. COME ON! IT'S A PRAYER! YOU'RE IN CHURCH! GOD IS WATCHING YOU! So can you please, for my Christmas present, for my soul, for your own salvation, PLEASE stop making out during church prayers.
THANKS!
