Greg, Linds, and Avery

They Say It's Your Birthday!

2012-01-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

Avery turned 2 on Friday so we had to take a few shots of the momentous occasion.

Party Time! Avery invited her family over for a little party. Grandma and Grandpa Hawes, Great Uncle Dan and Great Aunt Karen, Uncle Scott, Aunt Nicki, Lincoln, and Tyson all came to celebrate. They all got her amazing gifts which she absolutely loved. Great Uncle Dan and Great Aunt Karen got her a Baby Alive Doll that Avery can take in the bath tub with her. Grandma and Grandpa Hawes got her a Vikings jersey with a big pink sled and a fun inner tube. Aunt Nicki, Uncle Scott and cousins got her a University of Tennessee Jersery (!) and a Big Stuffed Nemo Fish. Greg and I got her a fun LeapFrog picnic basket, her own jump rope, some dress-up tutus, and fun hair stuff. Grandma and Granddaddy Turner got her a great Little People Castle. Avery was shocked as she opened each present. She couldn't believe all the fun toys she got.

Then it was time for cake. I decided to let Avery have her own mini cake this year. I made it in a large family size soup can and then decorated it with little roses.

Avery loved it.

She didn't even wait for a fork.

Avery had a great day and loved every second of her fun party. She's such a fun little girl.

Happy Birthday Avery!

Crazy Sleeper

2012-01-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Avery has become quite the dramatic sleeper. I went in to check on her during her nap yesterday and found her like this...

She'd taken off her sweatshirt and decided lounging was best. Then later that night I went to check on her around 11:00 pm and this is what I found...

I guess she was playing with her doll bed?

Tomorrow she turns 2!

The Merry Christmas Polka

2011-12-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

Christmas was very good to us this year. Avery was stunned when she walked down the stairs and saw a bunch of toys left for her from Santa. She didn't quite know what to do.

This was the wonderous sight she beheld.

The Little People Zoo Animals were her immediate favorite. Animals in general are her obsession. She loves learning new animal names and then pointing them out while making their animal sound. (This can be a little disruptive during church.) But ducks are still her ultimate favorite and therefore Santa had to leave her a few new Christmas ducks to add to her collection. It didn't even register that she had her very own kitchen until later. She had to first hand me each individual animal (all 26) and have me tell her what they were before we could move on to any other toy.

Then it was time to open presents. Her Grandma and Granddaddy Turner got her a new doll and its very own crib/changing table/high chair thing. Very cool. And all in one unit so easy storage and since its made by Little Tikes it can take anything Avery throws at it.

Cute huh.

The baby got its share of kisses and hugs Christmas day. Avery certainly loves her babies.

She finally noticed her kitchen. And realized she could "cook her own eggs."

And like any good chef knows you have to taste it to make sure its good.

You also might have noticed the pigtails. They're new as well, the real Christmas miracle is that Avery finally has hair!

These Are a Few of Her Favorite Things...

2011-12-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

We've been home bound due to snow and cold this last week or so, so Avery's becoming reaquainted with her toys. She's got a pretty good routine going with what she plays with. First she plays with her dollhouse.

Then its on to her tea set.

Next its time for a ride on her car.

Followed by finding and lining up her collection of ducks.

And throughout all this fun there are nonstop funny faces.

It's Christmas Time in the City

2011-12-06T11:03:00.002-07:00

With Christmas fast approaching, we decided it was time to get a tree and start the decorating. Avery was pretty excited about it. We put on the lights and then handed her a couple of candy canes to put on the tree. She thought we were a little batty putting candy on a tree but she did it anyway.

After breaking a couple of the candy canes she was promoted to putting the plastic (read: unbreakable) ornaments on the tree.

With the tree all decorated we got dressed and, with Grandma Hawes, Aunt Nicki, and cousins Lincoln and Tyson, headed to Winter Fest. Avery got to go on a hayride pulled by REAL horses, a fact which she constantly pointed out during the brisk ride.

Then it was off to the petting zoo. This was her second favorite activity. She got up close and personal with a calf, a bunch of rabbits, a miniature pony, and a whole flock of assorted ducks and chickens. We also saw a dog which I thought was another miniature pony at first...it was HUGE! Avery didn't believe me when I said it was a dog, she insisted on calling it "horse." I didn't correct her.

Then we headed inside to warm up. Avery met Mr. Penguin, whom she excitedly called, "Duck!"

Then it was time to visit Santa. Avery was pretty happy about it while she stood in line, but as she got closer her excitement waned. Then she let us know how she felt about the strange guy with the big beard.

After getting over her stranger danger moment, we headed out for another hayride (we figured we should end the day on a happier note).

She perked up as soon as she saw the "HORSES!"

Drama, Drama, Drama

2011-11-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

My daughter has become a drama queen. This is the face we see whenever we say things like: "Avery, scoot back from the TV," or "Sorry, it's all gone," or "Nope, don't touch that."

Drama, Drama, Drama. Greg can't deal.

Dressed In Holiday Style

2011-11-16T10:04:00.001-07:00

All Hallow's Eve

2011-11-02T17:03:00.001-06:00

So I saw this idea on pinterest...only they wanted like $90 for the costume and I said to myself I could make that...so here she is...

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS

She absolutely LOVED trick-or-treating. She literally ran from house to house. Once she got to the door she would hold out her bucket until the homeowner came and then after receiving her candy she would blow them kisses goodbye. I think she might have actually thought she was a Queen.

Here she is finally figuring out what it was they were putting in her bucket...she's a very social child...so I think she would have gone around knocking on doors and smiling and waving at people even if they weren't handing out candy. Candy was just a cherry on top.

Monkeying Around

2011-09-19T16:32:00.000-06:00

Greg and I decided it was time for another trip to the zoo so we loaded up the little girl and her Minnesota Grandma and headed out.

First stop was the duck/flamingo pond. Avery probably could have stayed there all day watching the ducks and birds. Those are her favorite things in the whole world.

She even got to see a little baby flamingo being fed by its mommy!

The polar bears were next. She loved being able to stare at the big bears.

The penguins were next. Greg held her up so she could get a better view.

It was a beautiful day. Early September is gorgeous in Minnesota. Avery hung out in her stroller in between exhibits.

She got up close and personal with this orangutan. Here she is making sure Grandma is seeing this.

Staring at another small monkey.

Riding on a fake giraffe.

Posing with a gorilla.

On another note...Lincoln and Avery are fast becoming fuseball experts. Greg says "It's never too early to start training."

Burger Queen

2011-09-02T10:15:00.000-06:00

Queen of Playground! Avery's first trip to the Burger King playground was a hit...she loved going down the huge slide.

A Year and a 1/2

2011-09-01T14:28:00.003-06:00

So August marked the 18 month milestone (technically July 27th marked it...but that's close to August). 18 months is a pretty big deal around here because it means pretty pictures and more importantly NURSERY!!! Hooray!! And since I haven't taken any pictures of Avery in nursery...here's some of her being 18 months old.

Tennessee...How I've Missed You

2011-09-01T14:08:00.001-06:00

So when we traveled down to the great South, we got to visit my grandparents in Tennessee. Their house pretty much looks like the Garden of Eden in my opinion.

My granddaddy built this house in the 70's. Here's looking towards the house.

Looking at the front yard from the porch.

Pretty fountain.

Beautiful flowers.

We ate lots of yummy food. And Avery is sitting in the same highchair I sat in when I was her age. Still works!

We did a little bow shooting. Don't worry we used a cardboard target.

And Greg really nailed it! See that bullseye. He actually hit the stake that was holding the target up as well and broke the arrow! Impressive!

We watched the hummingbirds.

We swung on the swings.

We looked at Jesus clouds...can't you just imagine Jesus appearing in the middle of these??? They remind me of those sacrament program covers.

We rode around on the tractor.

And we marveled at all the trees.

Braves Game

2011-09-01T13:30:00.000-06:00

Georgia was FANTASTIC. While there we partook of a Braves game at Turner Field. Greg can now say he's seen the Braves on their home turf.

The field/players looked like this...

Greg and I looked like this...

A shot taken right before a GRAND SLAM!! How many people can say they've seen a Grand Slam live??? Well now we can!

These crazy things ran around the field in a Home Depot race...fitting seeing how they're tools.

Then the rains came and my pictures started to suck. But the Braves won and we had a great time!

Avery is Learning to Swim!

2011-07-11T21:21:00.000-06:00

I Dare You Not To Laugh...

2011-07-08T15:24:00.000-06:00

The Great Outdoors...

2011-06-21T08:34:00.010-06:00

So last week we went outside to swing and chase the ducks (this is a daily activity at our house), but alas there weren't any ducks. However we did find this little guy.

Avery was absolutely fascinated. She saw it and started to follow it around. That turtle was pretty fast and she kept a safe 2 feet behind it for about 30 minutes. Then she started edging closer and closer. The turtle would try and turn around and run the other way but she kept on following.

She would get closer.

She took the hat off when she decided it was time to finally see what this guy really was all about. This is a shot of a fake out touch. She had to work up the courage to touch it. She had several false starts.

Finally! Contact!

Now that that was done, she grabbed her hat, surveyed the rough terrain...

And went in search of further adventures.

2011-06-04T21:51:00.002-06:00

She's Getting So Big!

We've started. She's not getting it completely yet, but she understands the language of candy.

2011-06-04T21:45:00.001-06:00

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Maybe they smelled?....At least she's helping right?

2011-05-08T18:23:00.006-06:00

Mother's Day 2011

Here are some recent pictures of Avery and her mom.

Avery's new car seat makes her look so much smaller now...but she loves being a big girl.

2011-05-08T18:11:00.005-06:00

Its A Beautiful Day!

It was a beautiful day and so we decided to take Avery out and let her play. She has fallen in love with her slide and playhouse. And now she's learned how to go up and down the ladder all by herself. She's quite the adventurous gal.

Avery found our friendly ducks and decided to try and make friends.

And here's how she can slide down all by herself.

2011-05-08T18:06:00.003-06:00

Easter Dress Pictures

2011-05-08T17:32:00.004-06:00

Easter-The Eggtastic Edition

The Easter Bunny came to visit Avery and left a basket filled with candy, a coloring book and crayons, some bubbles, and some pool toys. She was pretty happy about it.

He also left a bunch of colored eggs filled with jelly beans all around her room. So Avery had to find them all. However, once she figured out the eggs held jelly beans she wouldn't continue her search until she'd sampled half of the loot.

2011-05-08T17:26:00.002-06:00

Owatonna,You Know You Wanna....

We decided to follow Greg on his last business trip to Owatonna. The awesome thing about the trip was, of course, the pool. Avery was pretty stoked about it as well.

However, Avery did get tired of me taking pictures. This is one of those shots.

2011-04-08T13:02:00.003-06:00

The Zoobie...

Finally we've had some beautiful weather and so Avery and I decided to take advantage. On Thursday we loaded up into the car with Aunt Stephanie, Uncle Chris, and cousin Lincoln and headed out to the zoo.

2011-03-17T09:44:00.003-06:00

My Little Basketcase...

Avery got her food/shopping basket stuck on her head/around her neck a while back, and being the amazing mom I am I didn't take it off of her (even though she was following me all around screaming and running into the wall because she couldn't really see) until I had taken a few pictures. The pictures are blurry because she didn't want to hold still, but I really can't blame her.

2011-03-01T11:07:00.006-07:00

Avery Tales...

Last week while I was emailing Greg, Avery was crawling/cruising around our bedroom going from the bed to the dresser, back and forth and back and forth. So I was a little concerned when I heard her coughing because I wondered what she'd gotten into. I look up and see Avery had found the bowl of Valentines Day candy that Greg and I kept by our bed. And she's stuffing as many Sweetart hearts in her mouth as fast as she can. Every second or so she would make this really sour face but she kept on stuffing. In the two minutes it took me to grab her and throw her on the bed to get her away from the candy she'd stuffed about 11-15 candies in her mouth so that when she looked up at me with a big smile candies started falling out. She was pretty proud of herself.

One day Avery looked up at me and said "uhn," and then started crawling away, looking back to make sure I was following her. So I followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen. She crawled over to an empty milk jug that I had placed next to the trash can to be taken out with the trash. She picked up the milk jug and said "uhn." So I asked "Do you want a drink of milk Avery?" And she started clapping. So I grabbed her sippy cup and filled it up and handed it to her. She took a big drink. Clapped again. And then took her sippy cup and crawled back upstairs with it to her room where she continued playing.

She's figured out that things roll down stairs...and when they do they make a lot of noise. So she'll grab blocks or balls and rolls them down the stairs. Clapping as they fall down and then she'll crawl down the stairs, go and pick up the item, and crawl back up the stairs to do it all over again.

2011-02-04T10:07:00.002-07:00

I Shake my Little Tush on the Catwalk...

So Avery's Gramma Turner got her some super cute dresses for her birthday. And so we had a little fashion show trying them on. Avery's getting used to the paparazi treatment.

2011-01-31T09:38:00.004-07:00

Avery's Birthday Party...

We celebrated Avery's birthday on Saturday, because, well, its busy season and Greg has to work ALL the time so Saturday was the first day he could be there. We had a bunch of people over, Avery's grandparents Tom and Faye, her uncle Scott and aunt Nicki and cousins Lincoln and baby Ty, and her great uncle Dan and great aunt Karen. Avery was a little confused at first about why all these people had invaded her house. She'd never seen that many people at her house before (we're pretty low key around here). And she'd decided not to take her naps that day so she was a little subdued.

The party started at 5:30...here was the spread (a little after people had started chowing down). Chipotle Chicken Pasta Salad, salsa dip and chips, strawberry cake cookies, and her ladybug cake.

Now I'm definitely not a cake decorator (as you can tell), but I guess my first try at this birthday cake thing wasn't a complete mess. Presenting Avery Claire's ladybug cake.

People milled around eating pasta and dip and cookies for a while. Chatting and talking and trying to make Avery smile (something that's usually a snap but that night was more of a challenge).

Avery enjoyed her cookies the best.

Then it was present opening time. (I figured best to open presents first so if she totally demolished her cake I could just throw her in the tub after). Lincoln was more excited about the presents at first, but his excitement got Avery into the whole thing a little bit more. This is an "activity box." We figured we better get her started early on her abacus math equations.

Here's Avery opening my favorite gift that she got. An uber cute magnetic "paper" doll set. It'll be great for church when she's a little older. Right now Avery just wanted to eat the poor doll's head.

Then it was time to sing happy birthday. We got Avery down to her onesie and let her sit in front of her cake to "blow out" her candle.

We put her in her high chair and gave her a big piece of cake. At first she was a little perplexed because I usually don't just let her go at a piece of cake like that. I guess she had to examine it to make sure it was something she really wanted to eat at first.

But soon she realized everybody was standing there staring at her. She didn't seem to like that at all. And started crying and trying to get out of her chair. She was tired and not used to so much attention.

We cleaned her up and then she played a little bit with cousin Lincoln and then fell asleep as soon as everybody had left. Here's a look at her great loot.

And a little video of her getting tired of her cake.

2011-01-27T09:09:00.002-07:00

Memories

She went from this...

To this...

in 1 year. Amazing.

2011-01-23T19:11:00.009-07:00

Mischief Managed...

She has neither teeth nor hair...and she turns 1 on Thursday....you gotta love her.

2010-12-25T19:11:00.006-07:00

Christmas 2010

2010-12-22T11:18:00.004-07:00

Lately...

I've been trying to get ready for Christmas. It's amazing how much the holidays change once you've had a child.

I've been trying to get excited about snow...since it'll be around until mid-April.

I've been wondering if calories really count during the holidays.

I've been trying to convince my Primary class that we can't have 4 Mary's to 1 Joseph in our class rendition of the Nativity (how would that look to the visitors...).

I've been cheering for the fact that two of my favorite people in the whole world welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Claire.

And I've been trying my hardest to capture more moments like these...

2010-12-21T10:44:00.006-07:00

Holy Buckets of Snow!

2010-11-22T15:10:00.003-07:00

Treasure Hunting...

Now that Avery is uber mobile I can't leave her alone for a second before she's gotten into something. I ran out to get the mail on Saturday and found Avery like this.

She couldn't figure out how to take the "helmet" off, but she sure enjoyed wearing it around so it didn't really matter.

2010-11-22T09:31:00.002-07:00

Did You Know....

Pacifiers are so last month.

Toy mushrooms are the new pacifier.

2010-11-10T09:36:00.003-07:00

Ta-Da!

She's pretty proud of herself, as you can tell from that smile on her face.

2010-10-09T20:12:00.011-06:00

Now That's What I Call High Quality H2O...

On Friday we took a little drive to the Coon Rapids Dam...which ironically is actually in Brooklyn Park, MN....uh whatever. It was pretty magnificent and Avery loved every second of it...even though we woke her up from her nap to take her.

The Coon Rapids Dam

The Coon Rapids Islands

Avery and I loving the view.

The Calm Side of the Dam

The place where I kept muttering...don't drop your phone...don't drop your phone.

Please don't let me drop the phone.

Gravity at work.

Creepy spider on the dam....these guys were EVERYWHERE.

Along with the beautiful water, the trees were putting on a show of their own.

Avery loved taking in the sights from her dad's shoulders.

Obviously we had a great time.

2010-10-01T10:31:00.003-06:00

A Walk To Remember...

So last weekend we went to the Springbrook Nature Center. Its a park reserve about 4 minutes away from our house. We walked through the visitor's center, looked at creepy snakes, huge turtles, and stuffed loons. Fun for the whole family right?! Then we went on a hike (its a hike when you walk more than a mile...did you know that?).

A pretty little lake.

A pretty little view.

A pretty little stagnant pool of mosquito infested water.

A pretty little girl.

Avery loved the walk. We bundled her up in her little bear suit and she just sat in her stroller looking around at all the birds and deer. Gotta love Minnesota for their abundance of hiking trails and lakes.

2010-09-24T12:48:00.004-06:00

Addict...

I've created a monster. Avery loves loves LOVES Veggie Tales. Don't believe me??? Well take a look at these.

Here's Avery completely engrossed in the show.

She totally loves it.

After she got tired of sitting up and watching she figured out she could lie down and still see the movie...just relaxing and enjoying the show.

2010-09-04T15:01:00.005-06:00

A Few More Rejects Before the Big Reveal...

And now a few pictures from today...since it was 56 degrees outside we buddled Avery up for a walk....

2010-08-20T11:14:00.006-06:00

Avery's 6 Month Picture Preview

Just to give you a taste of what's to come...

My personal favorites thus far...

2010-07-22T09:05:00.005-06:00

Sometimes We Do Stuff...

You know we aren't just Avery's parents...we actually do stuff...sometimes...when we're awake enough to be coherent. For instance, Ernst and Young paid for us to go to a Twins game...in the new outdoor stadium. (jealous?...it was pretty cool)

Can't complain about the seats...even if the people looked like munchkins...it was FREE!

And this here is Rod Carew...all I really know about him is that he played for the Twins and he's Jewish (thanks Adam Sandler!).

The stadium sign. Now bow in reverence...

And sometimes we go for walks...and picnics. This here is Minnehaha Falls...I'm just glad there was actually water running this time. I'd been once before and it was all dried up and smelled like dead fish which isn't so appealing.

And sometimes we go out and take random pictures of organs for our friend Brian. Just kidding...though this picture is JUST for him. We went to a wedding (for Greg's cousin) and he leans over to me and says "Take a picture of that organ so Brian can see it." Not that its such a great organ or anything...I mean I'm sure its just fine...but anyway...

Then we had dinner at the Gutherie Theater...nice place...great views of the Mississippi.

These pictures were taken with my phone through tinted windows...but I'm thinking the tint kinda gives them that old timey look.

So see we do stuff. We have fun...we go places.

2010-07-09T12:57:00.005-06:00

A Baby Photo...

Avery has become a little water baby...gotta love that!

I actually entered this photo in a baby contest...yes I've become one of THOSE moms...but its just for fun. If you feel like it...and if you have time....click to vote for it!

Vote for me in this contest!

Contest details

2010-05-27T11:33:00.004-06:00

Sleeping Through the Night....

Avery has been sleeping through the night for about 4 weeks now. And let me just tell you its been amazing. I mean just look at her...doesn't she look so comfortable...and peaceful.

After hearing that she's such a good sleeper I've been getting a lot of questions about how I managed to get her to do it...and honestly it wasn't really me...it was her. Babies are so different and most will just sleep when they're ready, but here are a few things I did that might have helped move everything along. If you think its a good idea try it yourself...if you don't then don't do it...simple huh.

I'd been trying to keep the same night time routine since she was about 2 1/2 months old. I would give her a bath or just wipe her down with a warm wash cloth. Then change her diaper, lotion her up and put her pajamas on. Then I would feed her. She got used to the routine and started enjoying the whole night much more because she knew what was coming at the end. By the time her feeding was over she'd be drifting off so I'd just lay her down in her bassinet and she'd be off to slumber land.

But she'd still wake up 1-2 times every night to eat some more....I didn't know what I was doing wrong.

But Greg did.

One night Greg said to me, "Why don't you just let her cry a minute and see if she'll go back to sleep. You jump the second she makes a peep...you might be waking her up when she's just making a little noise."

He's a smart man.

So that night instead of jumping up and feeding her I just stuck her pacifier in her mouth and waited. She quieted down in a matter of minutes and was back to sleeping soundly. SCORE! This little routine lasted about 3 days and then she was sleeping through the night regularly.

Some other things that might have contributed to the sleeping are mostly environmental.

1. I let her sleep with her favorite blanket. As you can see from the picture she LOVES it around her face and pulls it up there everynight and then rubs it against her cheeks. So cute.

2. We turn the fan on so that there is constant white noise.

3. I didn't turn on a light when I would feed her and would only use a little plug in nightlight to check on her or feed her if necessary. She got used to sleeping during what we call "the dark time." :)

Anyway now every morning she wakes up like this...oh and please ignore the singing...but thats how I wake her up. Greg sings the same song to her as well so she hears it every morning from one of us.

2010-05-26T13:06:00.003-06:00

Because It Was Sunny....

We kicked off our shoes,

laid down in the grass,

laughed at the birds,

and talked a lot of gibberish.

She's just too cute.

2010-05-20T11:01:00.005-06:00

Some Letters...

Dear Birds Who Love to Wake Me Up at 4:00 AM--

NOT COOL! Don't you know I just barely got my 3 month old to sleep through the night?! I don't want to wake up at 4:00 AM anymore! Go back to bed...the worms are still sleeping!

Love,

Dear Yellow-Sack Spiders Who are Invading My Home--

I am going to search you out and kill you. Yes I am. There will be NO SPIDERS around my baby girl! So consider this your warning...hope you know how to read. Charlotte did.

Love,

Dear Prune Juice,

I heart you. You help my baby girl SO much. And while I think you stink and taste awful she loves you with her whole soul. She even cries when you're gone for the day. (But just for a second...don't get a big head or anything.)

Love,

Dear Mr. Suit Wearing Fast Walker Who Walks By EVERY Afternoon,

Aren't you hot? It's like 80 degrees and you're wearing a 3 piece suit to exercise in...I know we live right by a golf course...so maybe you're a business man without time to change or something...but I doubt it. You speed walk past my backyard everyday talking on a cell phone or checking what I am sure is your pedometer. Are you just exercising or planning your next hostile takeover? Well GOOD FOR YOU! Way to take control of your health. I'm just glad I won't be sitting next to you in your next board room meeting.

Love,

And now a picture of Avery Claire...just for fun.

She's just sayin, "Yeah I'm cute. I know...I mean look at me." That or, "YOU REALLY WANNA TANGO WITH THIS YELLOW SACK SPIDERS!"

2010-05-07T11:40:00.003-06:00

New Recipe Blog

Ok so I've done it. I'm starting a new recipe blog...yes I've become one of THOSE people. Mostly I'm doing this for myself, because now when people ask me for a recipe I won't have to say "Hmmm let me make it first and send you the measurements, because I never measure unless I have to." Now I have to...I'm making myself measure. We'll see how long this lasts ;).

http://www.lottaflavor.blogspot.com/

2010-05-04T14:58:00.006-06:00

Avery Claire the Narcissist

She just loves to look at herself in the mirror.

2010-04-21T18:30:00.003-06:00

ANNOUNCING...

Remember when Avery came early? Well considering she wasn't supposed to be due until March 24, I don't consider these announcements late.

2010-03-29T13:39:00.007-06:00

Blessing Day

We blessed Avery Claire on March 28, 2010. This was supposed to be four days after her due date, but she was almost 2 months old at the time. Greg did an awesome job...despite the fact that he had broken his nose....more on that down toward the bottom....

But here are a few pictures from that perfect day....

So my mom and I found this white Belle looking dress at Sears (HALF OFF...SCORE!). It was even more froo-froo than this before we took the scissors to it. We cut off some of the roses and made a headband instead....my mom is so crafty. The white sweater was absolutely necessary due to the frigid cold...ok it was 65 but thats still chilly for a little girl. And the tights....well they're size 0-9 months...why anyone would make tights in that wide an age range I don't know...so they ended up being more like a bodysuit and they were still huge.

So as you can see from this picture Greg broke his nose....Avery and I took good care of ourselves and didn't have any broken bones. Maybe you would like to know how Greg broke his nose...

Well...The good ole husband broke his nose in a CHURCH BASKETBALL game. He goes through years of high school sports without breaking a thing and then one "season" in Brooklyn Park and he breaks his nose. AWESOME. So it basically goes down like this:

Me: sitting at home holding the little one...

phone rings

Me:Hello?
Joe: Hey Lindsey it's Joe. So Greg broke his nose so we're going to take him to the hospital.
Me: Wait..WHAT?! Is this a joke?
Joe:Um no. He's ok really. He says it doesn't hurt and its not bleeding.
ME:WAIT WHAT?! He really broke his nose? WHO the heck thought that church basketball=NBA? Who broke his nose?!
Joe: Um I don't know.
Me: Well what ward was he in? What did he look like? How did this happen? You better tell me Joe cause I'm pissed!
Joe: Um hold on....Greg what ward were you playing? ....Um he's not sure. Here I'll let you talk to Greg...oh Greg doesn't want to talk to you. (I found out its because he knew I was pissed at the moment and thought Joe could handle it) Well we're going to take Greg to the ER now. I'll call you when I know more.

Yep...left me holding Avery Claire wondering what the heck had happened. Scott called me later and told me Faye took him to the ER and that the accident was actually Greg's fault...but he thought it was hilarious I was so pissed. But get this that night Greg came home...WITH HIS NOSE STILL BROKEN.

You know how you watch all the TV shows and people go into the ER with a broken nose and they just pop it back into place in like 4 min. Well its all LIES.Greg goes into the ER they take his blood pressure (which was surprisingly low for him) and then they tell him that Yep his nose is broken. Then the lady "DR" says..."So here's the number to an Ear Nose and Throat specialist. Go see him tomorrow and he'll set your nose." Greg and Faye are all like "What?! Aren't you going to fix it" and she's all like "Oh we don't do that here. I could look up how to set it in my book but I don't think you'll want that"

YOU'RE A FREAKIN DR AND YOU HAVE TO LOOK UP HOW TO SET A NOSE!? DID YOU MISS THE DAY THEY TAUGHT MEDICINE IN MEDICAL SCHOOL?! (no...I'm not still bitter about it or anything...I mean I TOTALLY think it was worth the 100 bones we paid for a co-pay to have her be a middleman...)

Anyway so Faye and Greg decided that if she had to look it up they'd better not let her touch Greg's nose. So he had surgery the next Monday.
At least his snoring has stopped ;).

And thats the end of that...

Thats what Avery Claire thought of the whole situation.

2010-03-09T13:01:00.003-07:00

Minnesota Sunbathing

Want to know how to sunbathe in Minnesota in March....

Gotta get rid of that pesky jaundice...

2010-03-01T14:08:00.009-07:00

The Rejects...

We had a little photo shoot the other day and these are the rejects for the announcement photos. Just thought you'd like to see some real pictures of the Little Missy.

...now make a fist and slowly ease it up underneath your chin...

Now there's a smile...kinda

Of course this is where she just couldn't deal with the toulle...I guess she won't be a ballerina...

And this is where she decided that she was going to totally pay me back for this later...

Ahh the crazy eye...woulda been so perfect had she not been trying to look at two things at once...don't worry though Preemie eyes get in synch after a month or so...

And now in black and white...because its so cute...

2010-02-15T11:07:00.002-07:00

Going Private...

So Avery Claire has put a new perspective on life and love and the crazies that roam this great earth. So we're starting a "no crazies" campaign and going private. So if you want to see all the latest pictures of the Little Missy just leave a comment with your email address and I'll send you an invite.

Special note to lurkers: I love lurkers...seriously...mostly because I am one. If you found this blog through a friend than its more than likely that I've read your blog as well so lurkers are welcome! Don't be afraid to ask for an invite...unless you're a crazy...then well...you need to get some help and then we'll talk about an invite.

So this is going to happen pretty quickly...so respond ASAP. My mother is bugging me for pictures :)!

2010-02-01T18:40:00.008-07:00

That One Story...

Once upon a time I was sitting in my living room...well actually lets go back a little farther...

On Sunday Jan. 24 I was asked to give a talk in church...this is important because here in Minnesota there's a curse...that if you're pregnant and give a talk on Sunday sometime during the next week you'll go into labor...I thought I was immune since 1. I was only 32 weeks along and 2. I hadn't heard of this supposed curse. I gave a pretty good talk if I do say so myself, and let me add giving a talk when you're pregnant is kind of awful, I mean being nervous on top of being uncomfortable is not that awesome.

But Sunday came and went without excitement. Monday it snowed. The day was boring and I was home all alone with nothing to do so I decided to shovel the 1/2 inch of snow on the driveway. Mostly I wanted to do it so Greg would be so proud of me...he thinks I'm lazy and I figured this would prove him wrong...I mean a 7 1/2 month pregnant woman out shoveling snow is pretty impressive, even if its only like half an inch. So I shoveled and then I went back inside. Late that night...like 2 in the morning my back started cramping up and I figured I'd done something funny to it while shoveling. Pulled a muscle or strained something...nothing exciting. I mean I had felt back contractions before and thought this pain was completely different. When I couldn't get comfortable by 5:30 I decided just to go downstairs and watch TV...seriously considered buying a NuWave oven and learned all about some Sphinx in Egypt. Greg got up and checked on me and then went in to work aroud 6:45.

So throughout the day on Tuesday I just sat around...talked to my Mom on the phone, watched TV, cleaned my room, and on the whole, didn't do a whole heck of a lot. My back was still bothering me every now and then so I took some Tylenol and felt pretty darn good. Around 8:00pm ish...Greg still wasn't home....it's busy season for Accountants...I decided to get some dinner (granola bars, yogurt, and hot chocolate). Now, maybe some of you pregnant or formerly pregnant women can relate to multi-tasking when you get up, and only get up when you have a variety of tasks to complete. This you do in a vain effort to only get up an average of 4 times a day.

So around 8pm I had a list of 4 things to complete.

1. Get phone charger because cell phone was dead.

2. Get a couple of granola bars.

3. Get a blanket.

4. Go to the bathroom.

So when I stood up to begin my list and felt a little ummm...insert PC/polite way of saying drippage...I thought to myself, "Ah crap, I should have gone to the bathroom sooner."

So I went to the bathroom...and found I was still...ummmm...leaking...NOT GOOD. At that point my heart stopped and I started mumbling things like "it's going to be ok, its going to be ok."

I grabbed my cell phone and tottered upstairs to plug in my phone. I called my Dr. (figuring I shouldn't call Greg unless I knew for sure what was happening...I mean how retarded would it be if I called him and made him rush home because I didn't pee soon enough). The Dr. told me to go to the hospital to be assessed...I figured that was a good thing and meant that it was probably just something minor and everything would be ok. So I call Greg...no answer...but I leave a message and say, "Greg I'm not sure whats going on but my water might have broken, I have to go to the hospital, you need to go to the Maternal Assessment Unit right away."Then my mom called...wanting me to check out some presentation my sister had created about my nephew Gabe. After about 4 min of her telling me all about the story my sister had written, I say "So I don't know what's happening but my water might have broken. I mean I'm sure its fine but I'm going to the hospital just in case." (You see I was still trying to convince myself that I was totally wrong and I had just peed myself...cause you know given the two choices peeing myself was actually the BETTER alternative which isn't the case most of the time).

My mother convinces me that it is indeed my water that has broken and that the baby is in fact coming...so I of course start to freak out. I mean we ARE NOT ready for our little girl yet. We were picking out bedding and paint the next day and getting the crib and furniture on Saturday.I figured 8 weeks would be plenty of time for nursery items...then little girl had to go and come early. My mom does her best to calm me from a billion miles away in tropical Georgialand and I tell her I have to call somebody to come and get me...cause remember how I'm home...ALONE. So she promptly hangs up.

I call over to my in-laws house and my Father-in-Law Tom answers the phone in a rather chipper voice. I however was not to be swayed by his cheery mentality. I immediately ask if his wife was home. No luck, she's out babysitting. "Well," I ask, "is she going to be home soon?" He responds that he doesn't really know what time she's getting back, but wants to know if he can help me. And at that point I really didn't know what to say. I mean I obviously needed somebody to give me a ride to the hospital...but...and no offense to the Father-in-Laws of the world...but I just don't think thats on the Father-in-Law resume. So I say, "Well, my water might have broken so I just need a ride to the hospital to get checked out."

silence

"Oh well I can do that!" (This was said a little loudly). "Ok great," I say, and thank him.

Then I go ahead and call my Mother-in-Law.

I tell her whats going on and she makes the correct assumption that I would prefer her to give me a ride and immediately hangs up to call Tom and let him know of the plan changes.

Meanwhile back at home, I try calling Greg again. This time he answers and says he got my message and he's on his way to the hospital and asks how I'm doing...takes all the strength in the world not to start bawling at that moment..so I say "I'm fine," and tell him his mother is picking me up and we'll meet him there.

Then I start running around my room...pretty much in circles...trying to think of things to pack just in case this was really IT (see...still thinking this might all be a HUGE mistake). I pack clothes for me and some clothes for Greg and half the toiletry items I need...and when I say half I mean half, like I packed my toothbrush but no toothpaste, and I pack my deodrant but forgot Greg's...stuff like that. And you have to know me but I am obsessive compulsive about packing so after everything was said and done, finding out I had done this DROVE ME CRAZY.

My mother-in-law Faye arrives to find me running all over the place (leaving a nice cute little trail in my wake in the process...too much information???). She calmly tells me to get in the car...I ignore her the first 3 times and try to finish packing before she finally says "Lindsey, GET in the Car."

You see at this point I still FELT fine...no pains, no contractions, no nothing, except for that pesky back pain that I got from "shoveling." It wasn't until we were halfway to the hospital that I started to feel cranky and all of a sudden my stomach hurt.

Faye took me to the Emergency Room entrance and a nice man wheeled me up to the maternal assessment unit in an old fashioned wheelchair that looked like it belonged to a 1920's mental hospital. Greg was already there and I was SO glad to see him. He was so calm.

We got to the assessment unit around 9:30 pm and that's when the McCarthyesque interrogation began. Let me tell you, I have never answered SO many questions in my entire life than that night. And frankly it is the WORST time to be asking anybody questions. I understand they need to know medical information like are you allergic to air and things of that nature, but really do you need to ask me "How do you handle pain?" (to which I responded...I DON'T TALK) My stomach hurt and my back hurt and people would NOT STOP talking to me. At some point the nurse came in and told me I was already a "5"...which meant there was no turning back, and I was really having the baby...like right then.

You know how they tell you..."you can't describe labor pain"...well...it's TRUE, but I'll try. It's kind of like being slowly killed by excruciating pain...only to be resurrected...only to be slowly murdered again. You live pain to pain. Moment to moment. My only thought was...you're going to be ok...women do this all the time...you're going to be ok. Then the nurse asked me what my pain level was...I thought about it for a minute and said "7"...why did I say "7?" Because a "10" would be like burning alive while drowning in my mind...and I didn't feel that badly yet. Then the nurse asked "So how high do you want to go before you try pain meds?" That's when I said "Uh not much higher thank you." So they ordered an epidural. I'm pretty sure the nurse kept asking me questions...but I ignored her.

Greg, however, was great! He didn't talk to me at ALL and if he did it was only to ask if I was doing ok. He would wink or smile or softly pull my hair out of my face and pat or hold my hand. He was PERFECT. Bonus points to him for actually listening to my answers.

After I was fully "assessed" they wheeled me to what I call the intermission room. Because you know how during intermission you go and get drinks and popcorn or whatever and then the really cool stuff happens...welllll...I didn't get drinks or popcorn...I got an epidural. Which is the most awesome invention in the history of the world...forget that printing press thing or that stupid wheel. And ladies let me just say, if you're thinking about doing that whole natural thing...Don't be a hero. If you can't think about anything but the pain you won't be able to focus enough on the pushing, and if you can't focus on the pushing you'll be pushing for a whole heck of a lot longer. If you're handling the pain ok and can focus on other things then I think thats amazing and more power to you for being such a trooper and good luck with the natural stuff, but Shoot I wasn't expecting to have a baby that night...I just wanted a granola bar and a bathroom break, and at the point when I realized this WAS happening I seriously pondered whether or not I could have a C-section. I mean when you can prepare yourself for labor its one thing...when it comes out of nowhere I think its another. And at that moment I was truly grateful for the drugs. The nurse told me I'd be in the intermission room until I was a "10", so I figured I had a while....wrong. After getting the epidural they checked me and I was a "9"..time check: approximately 12:00 AM ...so off we went.

After receiving the marvelous medicine they wheeled me into the super sterile and white and bright delivery room. And I pushed for 24 minutes and then there she was. Cone head and all. I couldn't believe it, still can't believe it really. It all happened SO fast. But she's here and she's beautiful and we love her.

She was 4lbs 10 oz. and 17 1/2 inches long. She's never needed oxegen and right now she's just progressing marvelously.

2009-12-13T16:09:00.004-07:00

Baby Fat

So apparently when you're pregnant people like to see you getting fatter...any other time people deride and demand some sort of diet when you gain weight but they're all for it when you're pregnant...its a weird thing to get used to.

So in order to appease the masses I'm posting pictures of my current baby fat...26 weeks and counting!

2009-11-11T06:45:00.005-07:00

It's a...

The front of our new house!!!

The backyard of our new house!!

OH! And we're having a....

A GIRL!

Little Avery Claire will be arriving around March 24...or maybe a week earlier (according to the Dr., she's measuring about a week ahead :)

2009-11-10T09:50:00.001-07:00

2 Big Announcements!!

Coming soon...Check back tomorrow!

2009-10-22T09:43:00.003-06:00

Plague of Death

Let me preface this by saying my husband took 2 days off from work when he caught this thing! That in and of itself deserved a blog post. The fact that I lost all 4 lbs that I've gained during this pregnancy is merely a byline in this story.

So just imagine going about your day as normal...eating normal...going to church like normal. Getting all cozy and ready for bed laying down and then your husband turns to you and says...I don't feel so good. "Oh" you say "whats wrong?" "I think I'm gonna be sick" This he says as he jogs out of the room. You find this slightly humorous because 1. you think he's sick because he ate too much for dinner and 2. you've never seen him jog to the bathroom before. However, the noises coming from the bathroom (horrible wretching noises) soon wipe the smile off your face. Repeat jogging to the bathroom and horrible wretched noises every 15 minutes for the next 24 hrs.

Poor Greg couldn't keep soda crackers and ginger ale down. Finally around 5pm THE NEXT DAY there began to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I went out and bought peppermint everything to see if it would calm his stomach. Peppermint tea, peppermints, those cute little peppermints you serve at weddings...etc. Peppermint became the miracle cure. During this time his mother and father and brother had all gotten sick with this vicious plague...I was the only well one in the house.

I thanked my lucky stars for all those horse pill vitamins they make you take for prenatal health and proceeded to just take care of Greg and the rest of them.

Greg was so weak (he lost 10 lbs during his confinement) that he stayed home from work on Tuesday to regain some strength. By Tuesday night he was feeling pretty good...and he kept looking at me asking how I felt.

And at the time I felt pretty good...no more nauseated than usual. Just regular ole random bouts of sickness.

Until around midnight....oh man. One thing I've learned is this child does NOT like savory herb roasted potatoes...EVERY TIME I eat those delicious things I end up hurling....and let me tell you they DO NOT taste as good coming up as they did going down.

So I caught the plague. Thankfully my bout lasted half the time Greg's did and by 7 am I was keeping Gatorade down just fine. Greg had given me a blessing soon after the second round of upchucking (anyone know where that lovely word originated...??) because we both feared the worst for me and the baby. I know it was that blessing that saved me from hours more of sickness.

So just a random question...but has anyone else caught this lovely virus?

Symptoms include:

vomiting continuously until your intestines show
chills (no fever....your body temp actually goes down)
diarrhea

It seems to be a 24-48 hr thing and its nasty...so beware!

Hope you enjoyed this lovely post!

2009-10-06T10:40:00.004-06:00

Time to Guess...

So we get to find out what we're having in about 3 weeks. (I know you're all as excited as I am) So I figure its time to put it to the masses to guess what we're having.

To help you in your hypothesis I've put together a list of facts that might or might not have something to do with the outcome. Take them for what you will.

1. Greg is one of 5 boys and 1 girl.

2. I am one of 3 girls and 1 boy.

3. My mother is one of 4 girls and 6 boys. (yep do the math...thats 10 kids)

4. My dad is the only boy and he has 1 sister.

5. I am not showing yet...so I don't know if I'm carrying "high" or "low."

6. I still get nauseated every morning...yep every single one.

7. I have no acne..at all...LOVE THAT!

8. I do not crave sweets (some say craving sweets means you're having a girl...I think it means you have a sweet tooth...but whatever), I crave fruit.

9. I did that string test (where you put a ring on a piece of string hold it over your stomach and see which way it swings) and got both results so I gave up.

10. There is only one heartbeat (in case you're thinking twins or more...).

All right! Let the guessing begin!

2009-09-28T11:25:00.001-06:00

For Your Viewing Pleasure....

2009-09-21T09:39:00.002-06:00

Remember When...

Remember when I could sleep on my stomach and not get nauseous...I do...it wasn't that long ago...and it was awesome.

Remember when people kept talking about all the money they were going to get because of the bail out/recession bill...whatever happened to that?...cause I got jack.

Remember when you'd wake up excited for the day...you were totally rested and energetic...I don't think I've felt that way since I was like 13 (then early morning seminary started and it was all downhill).

Remember when you got to take naps on those blue/red mats...and they were comfortable...but you still didn't want to take a nap because you wanted to whisper to your neighbor (or maybe I was the only one who was a rebel in Kindergarten).

Remember when they let you bring cupcakes to class for your birthdays?...did you know now you have to bring "wholesome treats"...what the heck?!

Remember when you woke up at the crack of dawn on Saturday mornings for cartoons...now kids can just watch them online...LAME.

Remember when your mom did all your laundry...being a grownup sucks sometimes.

Remember when you could eat anything you wanted without caring about calories...diet coke hadn't even been INVENTED yet!

Remember when it was cool to be modest...why do clothes keep getting smaller/shorter/more see through?

Remember when boys/girls were gross and you vowed the only girl/boy in your life would be your mom/dad? (glad I grew out of that one...no offense dad)

Remember when you first figured out how to mix colors to create new colors...I believe every house I ever drew between the ages of 6-9 were blue-green and purple with a bit of pink.

Remember when losing weight was AWESOME...ok it pretty much still is...until the nice doctor man reminds you you're preggo so thats not so awesome. (I however simply remind myself that in a few months I'll just have to look at food to gain weight)

Remember when Lisa Frank and San Rio Surprise were the coolest things around...and you wrote your name,punctuated by silly dots, on everything.

Remember when you didn't know what bills were...hahahahahahaha....those were good days.

Remember when Sister Daily, the ward librarian in my home ward, would get up on testimony Sundays and read off who still had church materials out and how overdue they were...those were good days.

Remember when you went to school...and got grades...and took tests...and remember how you used to hate it and look forward to when you no longer went? Do you still feel that way?

Yeah...I remember all those things.

2009-08-28T22:07:00.005-06:00

Little She/He Hawes

And so it begins.....

Nausea.....check

Sore Parts...check

Frequent Bathroom Breaks...check

Weird pains...check

Squealing Grandparents....check

House with room for baby....still workin on it...figure baby can live in drawer til it's at least 3 months...oh and I'm totally kidding...please don't call child welfare services already....

Little She/He Hawes will be coming to earth around March 24, 2010....start your countdowns.

2009-05-20T11:28:00.013-06:00

The Rundown...

We Moved!

Yep it's true...no longer do we reside in that state of beehives and Mormon majority...that land called Utah...we gave it up. Well, we changed locations anyway. Greg graduated...he looked like this...

Cute huh. Yep Magna Cum Laude (top 5%) and with High Distinction (uh we still don't know what that means exactly...Greg thinks top 2% of Grad School...don't know but sounds pretty cool). His parents came into town....and Steph and Chris came to the graduation...we all looked like this...

Then we packed up the truck...ok so let me just say...we had some great guys from the Ward come and help us pack up...and they were Tetris GENIUSES! Greg and I seriously doubted that our truck would be able to hold everything...but because of them we got EVERYTHING in...simply amazing.

We left on April 28, for what my husband calls...while putting his hand over his heart mind you...the Great State of Minnesota. I figured that I would document the drive in pictures...so here is Utah...

Well not the whole thing...but a mountain in Utah....a mountain with snow at the top at the end of APRIL...And here is Wyoming...

Dear Wyoming,

You're boring.

Love~Lindsey

And here is North Dakota...

Dear North Dakota,

You smell like cow for about 30 miles...try and do something about that....

Love, Linds

For Iowa and Illinois it was either dark and I was driving...or it was dark and I was sleeping...so no pictures there....

But then around 11:00 am April 29...Greg saw this...

That says Welcome to Minnesota...in case you can't see it....Hooray!!! We finally made it. Now time to unload all our crap...Here's Greg smiling because 1. We're in Minnesota and 2. We get to store our stuff FOR FREE at Scott and Nicki's house (thank you very much Scott and Nicki).

Yep thats our stuffed truck....packed tighter than my pantyhose on Sunday. So we unloaded all that stuff...took our suitcases to Greg's parents and crashed. (Meaning we fell asleep...like coma sleep) Greg is very proud to announce that we did the whole trip with that truck (and 12 miles a gallon mind you) in 21 hours...we pulled over around 4am and slept for an hour but then just kept on truckin. Overall the trip was pretty easy but I would like to take this moment to write a short letter to Penske.

Dear Penske,

Thank you so much for the truck rental. I was surprised that the truck was actually very clean...my belongings weren't marked or scarred at all by any leftover residue. It was very easy to drive and quite roomy in the cab. One thing though, can you please make sure your windows can be tightly shut. You see we had to drive the 21 hours with what can only be described as a fighter jet taking off like sound blaring in our ears because the seal to the drivers side window was loose (we couldn't fix it and BELIEVE ME we tried). So after a few hours my dear husband's left ear literally fell off and is now somewhere in North Dakota being chewed on like cud by their stinky cows. So just a suggestion, but fix your windows...

Thanks,

Lindsey

So now that we're in Minnesota we're going to live with the in-laws until we can find a house. Greg's cramming for the CPA exam at the moment but rigorous househunting should commence next week. I've already driven (ok been driven around by someone else) and looked at a number of houses or neighborhoods...so we'll just have to wait and see what happens. All in all its a pretty exciting time!

2009-02-10T20:48:00.003-07:00

WEIRD STATS

One of the amazing things about the internet is that keeps track of wacky things. For instance, did you know this blog is being found at least 3 times a day in the UK for my picture of Balou?! Apparently those wild foreigners love their Balou! Also my amazing collage of "The Hoff" is all the rage in Germany...I hope that some young impressionable confused teen is staring at it right now. Also, did you know...that this blog is the 3rd ranked site when you type in "bedroom smells like onions" (without the quotations) into Google. Yee Haw! Now I would say thats an accomplishment. It is also ranked 6th overall in the search "valentine verses involving tummy buttons"....don't even ask me what that means or why I'm being found for that but I am and let me tell you....I AM PROUD!

Here's to all the weird and wacky stats the internet saves and publishes for our perusal!

2009-02-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

The 25 List

Since this tag seems to be spreading like dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I thought I might as well get it over with....So here we go. 25 amazing things about me that you probably didn't know...

25. I am a total extremist...not in that sporty go jump off a cliff kind of way...but in the its either good or its bad kind of way. Its black or its white...I like you or I don't like you. (But don't worry if I don't like you, you probably wouldn't know it because I'm really good at being polite and cordial.)

24. I get blisters on my heels at least once a week. My feet literally hate shoes. They can be old tennis shoes I've had for years or brand new loafers...seriously doesn't matter I still get them once a week.

23. I was once told I look like a blond Betty Boop....I don't even know what that means. I mean I know who Betty Boop is...but does that mean I look animated...or a little trashy??

22. Feet creep me out. I hate them...I mean think about where they've been. They are literally a playground for bacteria and odor...WHY would anyone want to touch them?

21. My pinky fingers are teeny tiny. They barely come past the first knuckles on my ring fingers. They're mini pinkys.

20. Some people are weird about textures they touch...I am weird about textures I eat or drink. Ask my husband...he says I give the stupidest reasons for not eating or drinking something. For example, it's 10pm and I'm thirsty so Greg says, "Have a glass of milk or water." Now I love milk and really cold water is ok as well. But at 10pm, in my weird brain, milk is just too thick to drink and water is too oily...so what do I do...I go thirsty usually.

19. I used to sing a lot. In choirs, in church, in the shower...etc. However, I really can't read music. I usually just listen to a song and pick up which part I'm supposed to sing...this is why I tell people I'm too dumb to sing alto...I can't hear that part as well so I can't sing it.

18. I have to make the bed before I can sleep in it. What?! you ask. Yes, that's right. If the bed is not made or messed up in anyway, I make it, straighten out all the wrinkles and tuck in the sheets before I can sleep in it. That way I climb into a very neat and tight cozy bed.

17. And now the almond story...Once upon a time I was 3 years old and over-tired. You know how kids get when they're overtired...they cry. Well, I was tired and crying but I still needed to take a bath before bed. So my mom threw me into the tub to get clean. It was close to Valentine's Day and she had just gotten a large box of chocolates from my dad and she knew that I loved the colorful Jordan Almonds that came in the chocolates so she bribed me. If I stopped crying I could have one, she said. So I somehow managed to compose myself. And stopped crying, but you know how after you've been crying for a while you get gaspy and suck in gulps of air to try and stop yourself. Well I was in that gaspy stage when I got my treat. I put the almond in my mouth and mid swallow gasped the almond into my lung. I don't really know how this works...I just tell people a magic passageway opened up and deposited the almond directly into my lung. Anyway, almonds aren't very good at dissolving so after a couple of days my 3 year old body couldn't take 3 steps without having to sit down and rest. My mother knowing something was definitely wrong took me to multiple doctors who told me I had childhood asthma. My mom, knowing this wasn't the correct diagnosis persisted until she got a doctor to take an x-ray. the x-ray revealed the almond as well as an incredibly swollen lung that if left untreated for even 2 more days would have punctured my heart. So I was rushed into surgery and had the almond removed. All I remember about the experience is that my grandparents brought me candy corn and a nurse gave me an alligator tooth brush.

16. I do not throw up. I'm just not one of those people. I haven't thrown up in 3 years, and the last time I did was only because I was having a severe reaction to some medication. Before that time I hadn't thrown up for about 5 years. Weird I know...my sister throws up whenever she's the least bit sick. Apparently I just don't have any gag reflexes.

15. I love love love starting crafts....I'm just not good at finishing them.

14. I have never gotten into a physical fight...but let me tell you if I ever were to get into one...I'd be scrappy and fight dirty.

13. I can't spit worth a darn and watching others spit makes my stomach hurt.

12. I love to read. Anybody who knows me, knows this. However, what they probably don't know is that once I start to read a book, I usually dream about it until I finish it. The characters and places all show up in my dreams...and depending on the book that can be pretty creepy...so I usually just try to finish the book the same day I start it.

11. I am an obsessive researcher. Once I hear about something I don't understand or have never heard of before I search the internet unceasingly until I find enough information on the topic that I feel comfortable explaining it to someone else.

10. I am a picture blinker. Seriously, half my wedding pictures were of me with my eyes closed.

9. I once dyed my blond hair dark brown for Halloween. I was Pocahontas and the box said that it would wash out in 7-10 washes. What I didn't know is that when you dye lighter hair a darker color...it doesn't wash out...ever. So with my dark brown hair and my pale white almost translucent skin I looked like a vampire.

8. I've done a lot of stupid things in my days. Near the top of the list is the time I registered for BYU my freshman year. I thought the numbers next to the classes (English 320) were the room numbers. So I ended up in Junior and Senior level classes...good news is I didn't get less than a B in any of them thanks to some very kind professors who probably felt very sorry for me.

7. Most days I have a very librarian look going for me.

6. I think acronyms are way fun...and can be relatively stupid. Here's a little quiz for you...what does POTUS and FLOTUS stand for. (Hint: they are related)

5. When I eat soup I eat all of the vegetables first...while maintaining equal parts broth and substance.

4. I thoroughly enjoy laying out by the pool with a good book. Its probably my favorite summer pass time.

3. Winter will be the death of me. In Minnesota my body didn't understand what was happening every time I walked outside and began coughing.

2. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be one of those women who ends up giving birth on a toilet because they didn't know they were pregnant or that it was time to go to the hospital. Not because I'm stupid or anything but because my body loves to give mixed signals.

1. I seem to wink at inappropriate times uncontrollably. Like when the sacrament bread is being passed or when I see somebody in the temple I know.

2008-12-11T20:10:00.005-07:00

DEAR....

Instead of writing to Santa this year, I've decided to write to others who can give me simple, easy, and virtually FREE gifts for Christmas.

Dear Mystery Work Bathroom Whistler,

I appreciate a good tune just like anybody else; however, when I am going to the bathroom, I would rather not hear God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Whether you're trying to mask other bathroom noises or just trying to stay in the Christmas Spirit I don't know, but your whistling kind of creeps me out. So as your Christmas Gift to me, would you please stop whistling in the bathroom.

Thank you!

Dear angry yelling children who love playing directly under my window,

Fact:Kids love to play outside. Fact:Kids love to scream and yell. I completely understand these facts, but do you have to be so angry?! Every afternoon after school gets out you all gather underneath my living room window; sometimes you have good times trading cards or riding bikes, and HOT DOG those are good days. However, on other days you yell and scream and shout at each other, calling each other names and then the crying begins. Not the happy I have a testimony or the I just got the best surprise of my life crying, but the ear drum piercing, want to strangle a banshee, "I'm telling" crying. So please, in the Spirit of Christmas, can you please stop the yelling?!

Thanks!

Dear Newlywedded BYU Family Ward Couples who make out during the Prayers,

You know, I love new love. It's so exciting and endearing to watch. And I should probably mention that, yes,...I open my eyes during the prayers sometimes, mostly to see which child is screaming...I try to guess and then see if I'm right. (I know, I know, completely inappropriate during a prayer); however, when I look up and see the wife whose head used to just be leaning on her husband's shoulder now ferociously making out during the opening, closing, or even the GASP! sacrament prayer a little piece of my soul dies. COME ON! IT'S A PRAYER! YOU'RE IN CHURCH! GOD IS WATCHING YOU! So can you please, for my Christmas present, for my soul, for your own salvation, PLEASE stop making out during church prayers.

THANKS!

2008-11-10T09:59:00.003-07:00

50 More Things about Me...

So last year I wrote a list of 100 things about me. This year 100 seemed a little daunting so here's a list of 50. It's quite the challenge so anybody who's up for it should try and create their own list of things people might not know about them. The lists are pretty hilarious, and its a good way to document information for future generations.

50. I like it when people scratch my head...or play with my hair in general. Greg says I'm like a dog.
49. I read the news (CNN, MSNBC, FOXNEWS) about 50 times a day...hoping for something new...or just to try and read all the articles...
48. My pinky fingers are incredibly small...they come to just above the first joint on my ring fingers...they look a little sickly in comparison.
47. I always have to pull my hair up before I can sleep. I hate the feeling of random hairs brushing against my forehead.
46. I have to sleep with a fan on...always...no matter the temperature outside...
45. I once slept an entire winter with my window partly open...because I didn't know how to close it...in my defense the window was broken...oh and I still had the fan on when I slept. I had a hairdryer under the covers that I would turn on when I was cold.
44. My bedroom clock is perpetually fast...and not just a little fast...Greg and I like it at least 30 minutes fast...because you know, its fun to do math calculations when its 3 in the morning...I mean 2:30.
43. I can pop every single joint in my hand...well I'm not sure how many joints are actually in your hand...but I pop A LOT.
42. I can wink each eye individually.
41. I can curl my tongue...though I can't do any other lofty tricks like that cool wave looking thing.
40. I once took a class where I got to be a terrorist....purely fictional of course.
39. I graduated college by taking a intermediate Spanish class...the only reason I got a B+ is because my wonderful husband spent hours teaching me the language...and I don't remember any of it.
38. My car's check engine light comes during any change in weather.
37. I get gas in $10 increments because the price keeps going down.
36. I try and spend 4 hours a week volunteering for my church.
35. I teach 5 seven year olds every Sunday in church...this involves many games with the bribes of treats if they behave.
34. My favorite movie is Remember the Titans.
33. My favorite animated movie is Mulan.
32. I rely on my husband for any math equation solutions, except at 3 in the morning when I'm trying to figure out what time it really is.
31. Greg says that when I sleep my temperature goes up to 110 degrees.
30. I have been on the 2nd place National Mock Trial Champions Team.
29. I have competed in 2 State Swimming Meets.
28. My current favorite "sport" is bocce ball.
27. I have competed on the BYU Model United Nations Team and placed in the top Ten teams in the Nation. (National MUN competitions don't actually have place teams in order of 1,2,3..they just say you were in the top ten...kind of like kid's soccer where everybody gets a trophy.)
26. I spent a summer in California as a nanny.
25. I've been to a taping of "Whose Line is It Anyways?"
24. I've only gone skiing once and it was a horrible experience involving black diamonds...falling...and the vow of never returning.
23. Its a fact...I'm clumsy.
22. I enjoy any trivial pursuit game and often have Greg just read me cards so I can guess the answers.
21. I spent 4 whole months all by myself in Utah while Greg was away in Minnesota interning for Ernst and Young.
20. I love orange flavored popcycles....my sister-in-law just gave me a whole stack of them because I'm the only one she knows that likes the orange ones.
19. My favorite show on television are Law and Order reruns...which is good because they're pretty much on at least one channel 24 hours a day.
18. My microwave clock seems to perpetually slow down so every two weeks we set it 5 minutes ahead and two weeks later its 5 minutes behind...its a vicious cycle.
17. I'm moving to Minnesota at the end of April and finally getting out of Utah after 10 years.
16. I only get my hair cut once a year.
15. I have seen the back stages of Disney World...having gotten to practice on them before performing when I was in Show Choir in High School.
14. I enjoy yoga...however the funny names for the poses don't help my meditation practices.
13. Remember how last time I said I hate running...ironically thats how I first started getting to know Greg....now I love Greg...and still hate running.
12. I go to Ice hockey games just to see the fights...I can't actually keep up with the puck...but two or more mullet headed men pounding each other is what I call good entertainment.
11. I've recently become addicted to dum dum suckers...they're quite enjoyable and come in a variety of flavors and colors.
10. I've become a fanatical budgeter...this is mostly due to my obsessive accountant husband, but I find it fiercely satisfying to be "under budget" at the end of each month.
09. I once bumped my brother while we were jumping on the bed and he ended up with a huge gash in his head...we told my mom he fell.
08. I once went to roll my sister over on her side..because she was snoring...and she rolled completely off the bed...she woke and I told her she'd rolled off all by herself.
07. We used to tell Katelyn she was a boy named Thompson...she hates that name to this day.
06. My dad used to flick me in the head when I was little and began pulling the knobs off the radio...however, instead of actually stopping the naughty act...I learned to put my hand over my head before I pulled the knobs off.
05. My first word/words were "Whatsat"...my mom would say this to me every evening when my dad would be walking up the path to the door...so I began repeating it excitedly one day.
04. I once tried to do a high kick in a long nightgown, this ended with me landing hard on my bum...and being entirely embarrassed for having forgotten my nightgown had absolutely no "give."
03. I've woken up laughing.
02. I love making and eating homemade chocolate frosting.
01. I was born with under-developed lungs...however thanks to the prayers of many family members during those first few day...I have ginormous lungs and a huge rib cage...this helped dramatically during swimming but makes for an awkward time for shirts.

2008-11-08T10:38:00.007-07:00

Back in the Days of BYU Landlords

Now let the story begin.....oh and I hope you don't expect this to be some life changing event cause....well we all know I don't write those kind of stories....

I used to have a landlord whom we shall call Larry...partly because that's his name and partly because it rhymes with scary....now over the two years which I lived in the house there were many rumors circulating about Scary Larry (SL). Let me first describe him...

Larry stood about 5'5 and weighed approximately 85 lbs. He had a high pitched voice and claimed to be a Mr. Fix-it....which of course was not true. Think Mr. Roper from Three's Company.

Many of the rumors began when Larry started bringing his "representative" with him on surprise inspections for the house. Now his representative's name was Harold....and he was a Bounty hunter.....no I am not kidding...thats actually what he told us. I'm not sure if it was supposed to scare us or what but the first time my roommate heard this audacious lie she burst out laughing....he didn't appreciate that and told her so. She apologized and explained that she didn't know there was a big need for bounty hunters in Utah. He explained that he wasn't really a bounty hunter but a repo guy, and then he showed her his gun. (none of this is made up) She looked at him, looked at the gun, and then looked at Larry who was beaming. Thus the rumor that Larry was gay began.

Now over those years many things fell off, broke, or became stopped up in that house and each time we would try to fix it ourselves before calling SL because we really didn't want him in our house. But on the occasions when we couldn't remedy the problem we would call and politely ask for him to come and "take a look." Here are a few of his "quick fixes" or excuses for not being able to fix the problem.....

1. The shower head in the upstairs bathroom broke and literally would fall on our heads when we showered...not pleasant at 7 am...or ever really. We MacGyvered it with a bobby pin and a bic razor for about 6 months before he came to "fix it"...he ducktaped it to the shower wall.

2. The downstairs shower's drain became clogged. We used Draino and a coathanger and all sorts of other techniques to pull out years of hair and general grossness before calling him to let him know that the shower wouldn't drain. He came over called a plumber (which was nice of him) and the plumber informed him that his pipes needed to be replaced...I was standing there when the plumber told Larry this....so Larry told us that we would have to wash our hair upstairs and wear a shower cap in the shower downstairs so no more hair would cause stoppage. Yes...thats what he told us.

3. He put a deadbolt on the back door...because one of my roommates didn't feel safe without one...this is dumb for two reasons....1. The back door is mostly a big window and 2. Larry put the deadbolt on backwards....and no I am not kidding....we had to get a guy to come and put the deadbolt on correctly and then Larry tried to charge us for the labor.

4. My window did not have a screen on it so the summer months became almost unbearable because we didn't have an air conditioner. I called him and asked him if I could get a screen. At 6:30am on a Sat. morning Larry came and stapled chicken wire to my window. It was not stapled in any type of order and there were gapping holes in the "screen."

So when we decided to finally move out a couple of my roommates decided to go ahead and take their deposits out of their last month's rent knowing that they would never see the money again otherwise. Two days later I get a call on my cell phone informing me that I need to call Larry immediately. IMMEDIATELY!!!

So I called him back...not knowing what could be so important. Larry then begins to describe what a "nice workable landlord" he has been to us and that we have literally destroyed his trust in us. I ask him what the heck he's talking about. He said that when he came for cleaning inspections nobody was home and we had blown him off. I asked him what time he had come for cleaning inspections and he said he was there at 10:30 pm just like he had told us he'd be. I told him that we had all made appointments with him at 6:30pm and when he hadn't shown we had all gone about our business. He apologized then and told me that he thought he had called to reschedule but must have forgotten (enter great rolling of eyes) He then asked me how he could get ahold of Rachel and Melanie two of my friends/roommates. I told him I didn't know...because Mel was in China and Rachel didn't have a cell phone. He then told me that his "representative" had told him that they had taken their deposits out of their last months rent and this was against the Honor Code and he would be pressing criminal charges against them if they didn't immediately pay the remainder of the money to him. I told him that it wasn't my responsibility to tell them any such thing and that he would have to inform them of that himself. He said he understood and then hung up.

Following that conversation, I went into the living room and told Rachel what had just happened. (yeah she was sitting there the whole time :) And Rachel just started laughing. It seemed Larry had known that she and Mel had taken their deposits out of their last month's rent already and in front of Rachel's parents had told her that that made his job a lot easier and that was fine.

So Rachel decided to take her chances with the law and Melanie being in China said "Let Larry try and find me." And we haven't heard from the Scary Larry since.

The End

2008-09-27T00:00:00.007-06:00

My Bedroom Smells Like Meatloaf

Tonight started out quite normally. Greg and I planned on going out for dinner, catching a movie and then getting some ice cream. Our fun night out also involved two of our best friends the Mathiases...Mathaii...Mathesons...whatever...

We went to Betos, an "authentic" Mexican dive that creates head sized burritos which are quite yummy and filling...and don't have any harmful after effects the next morning after (BONUS!).

Then we were off to Get Smart...and if you haven't seen it I highly recommend it. Slap stick Comedy, Steve Carrell, the Rock, and that guy from Heroes.Funny funny funny!!

Following the movie, we decided to leave our friends and go home...because Greg is in denial that he has pink eye and would rather believe his hurting eye is just pink and swollen because that's what happens on the first Friday of the Fall season.

However, I would not be thwarted from my ice cream experience so we stopped by Smiths and picked up a couple of half gallons because 10 for $10 is a deal even Greg can't pass up!

And then it was home again! As we were walking up the stairs to our apartment Greg stopped multiple times to ask me..

"What's that smell?"

I would reply "It smells like meatloaf and ketchup to me."

However this answer must not have satisfied him because...as previously mentioned...he asked it multiple times....

When we got in the house I quickly changed into my very comfortable PJs and whipped us up some good ole fashioned chocolate malts. As I handed Greg his scrumptious treat he looked at me...and once again asked...

"What is that smell"

to which I replied

"Still smells like meatloaf to me"

I tried hard to ignore the unpleasant aroma for quite some time but after 20 minutes I just couldn't stand it any more and finally asked Greg to shut our living room window.

Now I don't know if some happy family decided long ago that Friday's were meatloaf extravaganza night or if some poor newlywed finally figured out what was smelling up her fridge and tossed out last month's experiment, but let me tell you...it STUNK!

Around 11:00pm Greg and I decided it was time for bed...maybe because the smell had dulled the rest of our senses...so we trotted off to the bedroom.

It was then that I realized my worst fear had in fact come to fruition...or meation...as it may be.

My bedroom smelled like meatloaf...smells like meatloaf...reaks of ground beef, onions, and ketchup.

I opened up the window in the futile belief that this would somehow solve my olfactory problems....however I was sadly mistaken.

The smell continued to waft up to our humble abode...penetrating our walls...oozing into our bedding...and infiltrating my very soul.

Now I'm a veritable prisoner...surrounded by an ungodly stench of processed compacted and baked cow....smothered in crushed tomatoes,vinegar, and sugar.

I wonder what dreams may come to those whose very senses have been captured by such a profane odor.

2008-07-09T23:16:00.003-06:00

Introducing Limerick Thursday!

Odd Limerick

There once was a girl from Nantucket,
Who put all her corn in a bucket;
Then everyday,
In the same way,
She'd sit in a corner and shuck it.

Biblical Limerick

Able had a big brother named Cain,
Who was brawny and buff and quite vain;
God liked Able much more,
Which made Cain very sore,
So to him Able had to be slain.

Hallmark Limerick

The sun seemed so shiny today,
Your smile must keep all clouds away;
We went on a date,
I thought it was great,
But I don't have cash, can you pay?

Creepy Limerick

There once was this creepy old man,
Who lived in a light blue sedan;
He gave us all toys,
Said he liked little boys,
And hey have you seen my friend Dan?

Ok those are my limericks for today! Challenge: write your own crazy limerick and post it in the fan mail section! Let's make it a contest! Whoever wins gets the all powerful right to say they are the winner!!! (which isn't that the best prize of all)

2008-07-09T15:54:00.010-06:00

Crisis Averted!

Just to bring everybody up to date....my teeth are now fixed. And by fixed I mean numb by the powerful gum ambrosia Anbesol. LOVE IT! My wisdom teeth have decided to abort their birth and are now retreating back to their premortal existence. PERFECT! So I guess the dentists were right...in a way. They won't actually come up and stay up...they will just come up and go back down like some demonic jack in the box.

Now a Story...

Some of you may have heard this one before, but for those of you who haven't you're in for a treat. Here's a collage for a visual preview!

The Day I Met David Hasselhoff

I wasn't exactly a high up executive at NuSkin, but I happened to know a thing or two about their latest and most expensive product...and that was the Biophotonic Scanner. So when David Hasselhoff was flown in Jan. of 2005, I was asked to come up to the executive offices and scan his hand, explain his score and explicate how the scanner works. For those of you who don't know who David Hassellhoff is think Mitch Buchanan from Baywatch or Michael from Night Rider (you know the old school show with the talking car...it was wicked cool back in the day).Or for those of you more cultured folk think Broadway.....he's been in Jekyl and Hyde and Paint Your Wagon. Now I have never been a huge fan of Mr. Hasselhoff and this experience didn't exactly add to my previous opinion of him.

At 5pm on a Friday I was escorted upstairs to the Executive offices and ushered into the Executive Conference Room to set up the scanner for good ole David. His plane was supposed to land at 4pm Utah time so they figured he'd be in around 5:30 or so because of the traffic and the bad snowy/icy weather. Well, they were wrong. First of all his plane didn't land until 5:00 and then it took 2 hours to get from the SLC airport to NuSkin headquarters in Provo (usually about a 45 minute drive).

So you're probably wondering what I did for two hours.....well let me tell you. I hung out with the Distributors that had flown Mr. Hassellhoff in...apparently one of them was a friend of the Night Rider. These guys make 2 million dollars a month. (And no I'm not kidding or exaggerating) At one point they were talking about movies and one of them said (and I quote) "Yeah I have to get a better way to organize my DVD's. Right now I just put them in the player, but we reached the 400 limit over Christmas. " (ummmm...yeah he had a theater IN his home and had over 400 DVD's directly in his DVD player....oh the opulence.) I just kind of looked at them and smiled.

Finally Mr. Hasselhoff arrived but he had consumed approximately 8 cups of coffee in his limo so he was WIRED. He came busting through the doors and belted.

"Well Hello. I'm David Hasselhoff."

Now let me describe to you what he was wearing. Black. Black jeans, black t-shirt, black leather jacket, black cowboy boots, black sunglasses (even though it had been dark for 3 hours). And he is a huge guy. He's about 6'4 or 6'5, pretty built, and VERY tan. The guy glowed.

He then proceeded to talk about himself for the next hour....I swear he didn't breathe. I found out that in 1988 he went to Germany to release his single "Looking for Freedom" and it sold 17,000 copies in its first week and was #1 on the charts for 8 weeks straight (he also claims that it helped in the US/German realtionship and the Berlin Wall fell as a direct result of the album....and I'm not kidding....and here you thought it had something to do with Bush and Gorbachev...silly people.), and seeing how he repeated this whole phrase no less than 32 times he started to remind me of a broken record.

I also was informed that he has the best stomach for a man over the age of 50 as voted on by the people of USA Today....apparently he has abs of steel...or so he said. So upon being told such my eyes must have wandered to his stomach section or something because he looked at me and said, "Well I don't have any abs right now because I've been on Broadway and I've had to start eating carbs and sugars to maintain my weight.." (Yeah right Mitch go back to Baywatch).

And every so often during his narcissistic monologue he would break out into song....and no, once again I am not kidding. He would sing a verse or the chorus of whatever song he was currently congratulating himself on and then go on with his magniloquent soliloquy and after a harrowing hour of this discourse he finally looked at me and bellowed, "So what is this scanner....tell me about it....how does it work...why is the laser blue....will it burn...?" (he accosted me with a series of questions neither waiting for the answer nor particularly caring if there was one because after his cross examination he merely turned to his friend Wade who was sitting next to him and said "I really like this NuSkin place.")

I scanned his hand, explained his score and then he got up and said "I need to go to the restroom is there one around here....and I'm hungry, you guys want to go out to dinner?" Apparently those 8 cups of coffee finally hit him, so while he went to relieve himself, I packed up the scanner and left.

The nice executives and distributors thanked me for staying late and as I was walking toward the elevators with the scanner Mr. Hasselhoff came out of the bathroom and said, "Hey you were great. Would you like an autographed picture I have some glossies in the car....Whats your name....Wade write down her name so I can leave a glossy with Scott for her to pick up on Monday. Thanks again." and then he walked away. I told Wade my name and then got on the elevator...it was pretty much the weirdest experience I have ever had.

But hey....maybe some German will buy the picture on Ebay and I can make some money out of the deal.

To see an AMAZING video of the actual Berlin Wall Crashing Song "Looking for Freedom" click here.

2008-07-08T01:50:00.007-06:00

I'm teething....

This might sound weird to those of you who know me....I mean I am twenty-eight years old...don't most people stop teething when they're like...3. Well I've always been a late bloomer in the teeth department.

You see its my wisdom teeth...they're coming in. For years and years dentists have been telling me that my wisdom teeth...since they hadn't come up yet...were probably never going to come up. Most gave a definite response of ...NO. However, they were all wrong.

At the moment it is 1:53 am....and I can count my heartbeat in my gums....this is not normal. My right eye might just burst forth from its eye socket at any moment...so stayed tuned for that. But other than that I'm fine.

I've decided that when my kids start teething I am going to have a greater appreciation for the event...appreciation and coma inducing drugs... cause nobody should have to actually live through this.

Well, Lindsey...what have you done to try and remedy this pain??? (I hear you asking this)

Currently the IB Profen count is at 10 (those being taken within the last two hours). I'm not sure that's healthy...and it sure isn't working.

I have also put heating pads on my sore inflamed parts...and when that didn't work have been sucking on ice. If I had a teething ring I would definitely be using it. (Also something to note...3 is the current count of ice cubes that I have swallowed WAY too soon...causing choking and then throat freeze)

I have also tried Nyquil...why Nyquil you ask....well it has pain reliever in the description as well as strong sleeping medications. However...apparently neither of these so-called active ingredients are currently working...so my next course of action will be writing the makers of Nyquil a scathing letter.

And thats about it. My mouth hurts. The end.

2008-06-12T12:43:00.007-06:00

30 Questions!!

How do you feel about Country Music? I come from the great land of Tennessee...where country literally is the King (and home to Elvis...who isn't necessarily country...) so I feel it appropriate to like it.
How many curlers do you wear in your hair at night? Um...I try to avoid curlers in my hair at night...they hurt...and can cause bodily injuries to spouses...but if I were to guess I would have to say 36...my hair is deceptively thick.
What is the last book you read or are reading? Currently reading Artemis Fowl:The Eternity Code
What 3 movies would you take to a Desert Island (this is of course assuming that you could watch them there)? The Bourne Series, The Harry Potter Series, and Tommy Boy I do realize that all of those movies would equal more than 3...but seriously if you have one of the above movies...you HAVE to have to rest
What 3 TV shows on disc would you take to a Desert Island? Gilmore Girls series (love the witty conversations), The Office series (hilarity ensues), The Law and Order Series (must keep up to date on my legal jargon)
Does this quiz stink? Your mom stinks (ah burn)
Name your 3 Favorite Fruits: Strawberries!!!, Fresh blueberries, raspberries and cherries!! I know thats four but I couldn't just pick 3.
What is in the Back Seat of your car right now? Gym clothes, a basketball, and my nursery folder
When was the last time you threw up? 2005 (stupid birth control!!)
What is your favorite curse word? I'm a big fan of the word H E double hockey sticks, as well as BAS&$^%....though I don't use them much...sometimes they express thoughts in ways nothing else can.
Name one thing you are really good at: winking seductively...just kidding, making up recipes!
Name one thing you are really bad at: ice skating...seriously...I'm like a hippo on a cloud...totally out of place
What 3 books would you take to a desert island? The Jane Austen series, Harry Potter series, scriptures
Name your 3 favorite drinks: Dr. Pepper, Strawberry Lemonade, milk (it does a body good!)
When you were a kid, how did you get your candy fix? uh I'm not that big on candy...no really...I still have Christmas candy on my dresser...
Name your 3 Favorite Vegetables: Tomatoes (vegetable or fruit...you decide), Corn on the cob (lots of butter and salt and pepper), mashed potatoes (YUM)
Which Bear is Best? uh...bwuh...I'll go with Balou from the Jungle Book....large, humorous, and sings...a better combination cannot be found in a bear!
What is your favorite Ice Cream Flavor? I LOVE ice cream...all kinds..all flavors...seriously...ice cream is my WEAKNESS
What was the last thing you ate? uh...rice-a-roni from last night...I don't eat sometimes...
What is the last sporting event you watched? NBA finals game Lakers beat the Celtics by 6
What are you doing tomorrow? working...and then having a Chinese fun festival!!
Are you free on Saturday night? Nope, I'll be working at the temple.
How much liquid can your belly button hold? My belly button cannot hold any water...it doesn't have hands.
What is your first thought when you hear "Australia"? My Dad's mission
How many states have you been to? Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Kentucky, West Virginia, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, New York, California, Washington, Idaho, Texas, Minnesota, Illinois, Iowa, Indiana, Alabama, Wyoming, Michigan,New Mexico...so 24...I think
What is the biggest annoyance in your life right now (besides this quiz)? Being told I need to go to the gym...thanks for that...I really like to hear about how fat I am everyday...thanks....
How did you get one of your scars? falling UP the stairs when I was three...split my chin right open
What interesting fact did you learn from an encyclopedia? Ants do not like cucumbers...something in the acid they produce...weird huh.
Do you really want to answer 2 more questions? um ok...
Didn't think so!

Alrighty, if you have never been tagged by me before, consider today your day. Copy this quiz to your own blog, and fill in your own answers (pictures are optional, but make reading more fun!!)

2008-05-27T16:37:00.000-06:00

And now a Special Hallmark Presentation....

Just Kidding.

Her name was Polly. I think. She was about 5'9 and 190 lbs with short brown hair and a VERY LOUD voice. I met her a couple of years ago at a Singles Ward FHE (note: Singles' Wards hold FHE in a futile attempt to recreate the family unit for those without family members in the vicinity...it is also an excuse for Bishops to toy with their members and try to pair young singles off in an effort to obey the commandment of replenishing the earth...I'm also pretty sure that the Bishops in Utah hold a contest to see whom can have the most weddings of ward members in a Semester...I think they win a mini van or something)

Anyway, I first noticed Polly standing off in the corner of the Bishop's home (where we were holding FHE) talking to Tricia (another girl in our ward). Not knowing who she was I asked Alicia my roommate and a counselor in the RSP if she knew who the new chick was. Alicia gives me this pained look and said,
"Yeah. Her name's Polly..I gave her a ride to FHE tonight."
"Oh so she lives with Tricia and those girls huh?"
"No she's just staying there for a week until she moves back to California for the summer."
"OOOOOH. So she's just a squatter...she's not actually in the ward."
"No."

After having established that I didn't have to actually talk to her (cause she was loud and I didn't want to have to get involved and make an emotional commitment to a loud close talker) I went about my business and talked to the Bishop about sending flowers to a girl in our ward whose father had passed away a couple of days ago.

After an hour of useless small talk Alicia and I decided we were bored and had had enough of pointless conversation so it was time to go home. She looked at me and said,
"Let me go get those girls and see if they still want to ride home with me."
They did. I figured this wouldn't be all that bad because most people realize that in compact environments the level and pitch of your voice can be lowered dramatically and people will still be able to hear you completely.
Polly had apparently never been informed of this modern monday miracle and so her volume of conversation did not lower one bit.
So while driving home in Alicia's Neon I politely asked Polly when she was getting married...she was practically wearing a skating rink on her finger...and she informed me that it was fake and she didn't want to talk to any boys that night so it had been an attempt to thwart any singles advances. A futile attempt she informed us because Caleb had still talked to her.

Now I must interject on Caleb's behalf. Caleb just moved into the ward....he's new..from Idaho...and has a cute little girlfriend. Earlier that evening both Alicia and I had commented (ok thats a nice way of saying mocked) on the fact that Polly was openly flirting with a guy who was already taken and obviously not really interested in what she was saying to him...that or he had lost all hearing and was merely nodding, eyes blank and lifeless out of shere politeness.

So while she yelled on and on about how much Caleb must like her, Alicia and I muttered things in spanish about how crazy she was....because they didn't understand spanish and I now know enough to mock and deride.

At the end of her sound barrier breaking monologue she did admit to having a boyfriend but he lived in California and that was the reason she was going there for the summer. Alicia then interjected and said,
"I thought you told me you didn't have a boyfriend."
Polly laughed and screamed,
"I also told you that I was an illegal immigrant from Mexico"

Alicia and I just kind of looked at each other figuring this girl was more than likely a pathalogical liar.

We pulled up to a stoplight at which point this Polly chick began catcalling at the guy in the car next to us...a wise choice on her part because as we all know 16 year old Pizza delivery boys are in high demand. I shrunk down in my seat and Alicia seethed in the seat next to me.

We then mocked her for flirting with a deacon. And told her that her Cali boyfriend would be jealous.

As we were finally pulling up to Polly and Tricia's house....Polly looked over at Alicia and asked if she was doing anything on Friday...Alicia just looked at her and said "Friday night?" and Polly said "No more like 7 am Friday morning...I need a ride to the airport." I'm pretty sure Alicia's eyebrows flew off her head and are now in Nebraska. She told Polly that she was sorry but she couldn't give her a ride because she had to be at work every morning at 8 am. Polly screeched "Thats too bad...cause you're like the only person I know with a car"
Alicia said, "Yeah....sorry."

Which she wasn't.

And that was the end of Polly.

Note: I could have inserted many "Polly wanna a cracker" comments but controlled myself believing that this would have been mildly funny but also highly corny.

2008-05-27T16:35:00.002-06:00

Another Story from my Single Days:

Weird people seem to be drawn to me as moths to a flame, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised by Peter Olsen. (Note: in my experience the name Peter seems to carry with it a tendancy towards the weird and obtrusive) You see a couple of years ago I decided that I didn't need a social life anymore so I got a second job and began working strenuous 16 hour days. I would work from 8 until 4 at NuSkin and then go to my next job as a telemarketer (which in and of itself caused inner turmoil due to the fact that I hate telemarketers and therefore found myself hating myself) at MyFamily.com from 4:30 until 12:30. Anyway, it was during the first week of working there....though I only worked there for 15 days...that Peter sat down next to me one evening. I was busy trying to talk an uninterested elderly person into buying a subscription to Ancestry.com when Peter announced, "Its so hard to communicate with others when you have an IQ of 135." I should probably describe this Peter Olsen guy for you...he was about 6 feet tall, probably 180 lbs., 18-20 years old and looked like a very unattractive Harry Potter with an acne problem. At the time that he made this announcement the elderly woman that I was talking to hung up on me (I blame only myself)....so I turned to him and said, "You should try having an IQ of 170." I thought this was funny....he didn't...instead he responded by saying and I quote, "Oh so you have a high IQ too...do find yourself having to lower your verbal diatribe in the hopeful efforts of having people understand you?" I looked at him and said, "Ummmm no. But I don't usually open a conversation by openly flaunting a debatable measure of my intelligence while insulting the other party." (Yes I actually said that...college taught me how to use big words and everything) And then I turned around hoping to dam the gates of this useless conversation. He then felt it necessary to tap me on the shoulder and introduce himself, "My name's Peter. Do you like Charmed?" (For those of an older generation Charmed is a show on the WB involving scantily clad women witches fighting the bitter fight against demons and evil) I turned back around and said, "I don't have a lot of time for TV" He felt this denoted an interest on my part in actually participating in a conversation because he continued, "Oh well look what I just got on Ebay...an autographed picture of Alyssa Milano for only 80 dollars."
"Thats nice," I said.
"I'm going to hang it up in my room along with my other pictures of her and the rest of the Charmed cast."
"Thats nice."
"Do you like Animae?"
"No"
"Well I just got a great deal on a whole bunch of trading cards."
"Thats nice."
"I plan on selling them in about ten years because they're going to be worth thousands."
"Thats nice."
"My parents think its a waste of my money to buy all these pictures and cards but I like to look at them so I don't really care what they think...they were going to kick me out of the house."
"Thats nice."
"Yeah me and my parents don't get along very good (sic...he actually it just like this)."
"Thats sad."
"You know what I don't understand about girls?"
"Everything?"
"No I get some things...but what I don't get is why all the attractive girls go out with the stupid jocks who can't carry on a decent conversation or compute simple mathmatical equations."
"Girls don't like to talk and they don't like math." I said this in a way I would have thought a deaf man would have heard the sarcasm...but no.
"Girls do to like to talk."
"I was kidding...but frankly and I can't speak for the whole feminine gender but I like guys who are reasonably intelligent and can add and subtract."
"Then how come all the girls I ask out say no? Did you know I had to ask out six girls before I got one to go with me to Prom?"
"Ummm no I didn't know that. "
"Well I did."
"Did you ask nicely?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask them in front of a whole bunch of other girls?"
"No."
"Had you ever talked to these girls before?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever killed anybody?"
Once again I was joking...but he didn't think it was very funny. I knew this because he stood up and started yelling at me,
"THEY ACCUSED ME OF TRYING TO KILL SOMEBODY BUT I DIDN'T!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME! I THOUGHT SHE LIKED ME!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
I just kinda sat there and looked at him...irate screaming people don't really have a huge effect on me anymore because I got yelled at a lot at my old job...but all around me guys were starting to stand up and come towards us thinking they were going to save me from this obvious loon.
"Ok you really need to calm down there sparky, I was kidding."
He sat down and just kinda looked around and said, "Sorry I just don't like people accusing me of things."
"Number one I wasn't accusing you and number two I don't talk to people who yell at me." And then I turned around; the guys who had been coming to save me looked at me with eyebrows raised wondering if everything was alright so I just waved and smiled and they sat back down in their little cubicle. About ten minutes later Peter Olsen turned around again and tapped me on the shoulder and said,
"So you wanna go out sometime?"

This story was completely true...none of it was made up...I turned him down politely and never sat next to him again.

2008-05-27T16:33:00.002-06:00

A True Story from my Single Days:

I have found that in the wee hours of the morning in those fitful minutes before sleep my mind begins to wander, perplexing matters become astonishingly clear, and random yet useless thoughts come to complete fruition. For instance a couple of years ago late at night at about 2:03 am I realized that "evil" spelled backwards is "live" and furthermore, "devil" spelled backwards is "lived." What this means I do not know but it is true nonetheless.

And it was during this time a couple of years ago that I came to the unmistakeable conclusion that my old boss at work, Dan, is a little slow. I will explain that in just a minute...but first I have to explain this....

As satirists my friends and I often see the humor in the littlest of human vices. For instance there's this club on campus aptly named the Quill and the Sword Club...they brandish swords and capes and run around attacking one another with unseen spells and powers they apparently have cards for...much like a concealed weapons license I'm sure...I once saw them attack a perfectly innocent bail of hay for no reason...why they did this I do not know...they're monsters I tell you...monsters...

Anyway, while attacking the aforementioned bail of hay they kept yelling HAZAA!!! This I found was extremely amusing and began using the word sarcastically whenever someone would remark on something that was supposed to be exciting but in reality wasn't....
For instance:
"Lindsey I get to babysit the Bailey kids tonight"
"Hazaa!'
"Guess what! Night Rider is now on DVD!"
"Hazaa!!"
"There's a new episode of Star Trek Voyager on Tonight!"
"Hazaa!!!"

I think you get the idea. And this word soon became a daily conversation constant among my friends and me.

Anyway so one day at work Dan...the boss man...looked up from his desk and said, "Hey guess what you get to fix 25 scanners tomorrow"
Without thinking I said, "Hazaa!"
He looked greatly confused for a minute then relinquished to admitting his small vernacular did not include that word and asked what it meant. In an effort to explain what the word meant and the underlying sarcastic tone included I explained that in the days of yore upon attacking moat surrounded castles the knights would yell the word Hazaa in an effort to lift the spirits of the dreary and mutilated soliders...and now my friends and I yelled it in sarcasm. He laughed still confused and said "That's cool I'll have to start using that word.

Let me now describe Dan, he's a thirtysomething rock star wannabe, he's in numerous bands and "plays gigs" on the weekends for fun. With bleached hair and standing at 6'4 he certainly stands out in a crowd.

Anyway the next day at work I finished fixing all those scanners and was putting the last scanner on the rack to be QA inspected (that stands for quality assured in case you didn't know) when Dan looks over at me and with a big smile yells...yes yelled...."Pazaa"
I look at him for a second stifling the overwhelming urge to laugh and said "I'm sorry?"
"Pazaa!" he yelled again, "You're done!"
I looked at him and said, "No No No. It's Hazaa"
"Oh!" he said still smiling, "Kazaa"
"What?" I said unbelieving that he had just yelled the name of a favorite downloading website instead of Hazaa.
"Kazaa!" he yelled again smile now gone and replaced with a look of confusion..."Thats right isn't it."
"No...thats where you can download music and books for a small fee on the internet. HAZAA....HHHHHH.....HHHHHH" I figured since the "H" sound is a voiceless glottal fricative he might be having a hard time hearing it so I emphasized the H sound...and felt entirely retarded doing so.
"Ohhhh....Hazaa" he finally said, "That's not a real word" he continued looking annoyed at his own inability to pronounce the useless word.

And then he walked away.

2007-12-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Its Christmas Time in the City

Ok so since we're getting close to the New Year...it is time for that yearly review.

Lessons learned this year:

1. You always get sick over Christmas/New Year's vacation
2. My husband actually remembers our anniversary (and he brings roses)
3. Valentines Day becomes pretty lame after you're married....so really its only cool when you're
dating someone...or under the age of 12
4. All your friends will decide to get married the same summer...we went to 6 weddings this
year...
5. Wymount Ward Testimony meetings sometimes hurt my face...who starts their testimony
by talking about a movie nobody should ever see....uhhhh what?! (literally the testimony
began....I saw a movie this weekend that I wouldn't recommend...who are you?! Siskel)
6. Apparently you have to have children to be a part of the in-crowd in student married
housing and apparently plants don't count.
7. Apparently pillows from Kirtland's don't last an entire year before they become little lumps
of broken home design dreams
8. When moving it is always a good idea to invite burly relatives (seriously one of my cousin in
laws carried our entire couch by himself...on his back...)
9. Red roses look dead when they're dried...so if you want a morbid gothic look red is the way
to go (and don't put them next to a wedding picture...people might start thinking your
marriage is on the rocks)
10. Half of the wedding presents you thought "Oh wow...I'll totally use that everyday" (like the
bread maker, George Foreman Grill, Cuisenart Food Processor, etc)...will just sit on the top
of your kitchen shelves....ok not half...ALL
11. The temple becomes easier the more time you go...just remember to wear a slip....
12. Those vinyl signs and marble tiles aren't nearly as hard to make as they look...people
THEY'RE STICKERS!!

Books I've Read and Loved
1. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows
2. Pendragon (the series)
3. All and anything Tom Clancy
4. James Patterson...lots of gore and a good mystery
5. The Book of Mormon...it changes each time you read it...only book I know that does that

Alright so maybe I'll rehash the year more later...that's all for tonight.

2007-08-17T09:48:00.001-06:00

Television Recaps

Ok, so can television watching be a hobby?? I'm just wondering because I seem to do that just about whenever I can. My husband, being the buff gentleman he is, choses such raucous activities as basketball playing, baseball throwing, football catching, etc as his hobbies, whilst I chose to lounge on the couch watching the finales go by. You see its the end of the summer once again which means 1:All the summer reality shows are ending and 2. All the really good shows will be back on shortly!!! HOORAY! So let me recap all of the finales that have taken place thus far infiltrating my own comments throughout the short synopsises.

HELLS KITCHEN:

Ok so Hell's Kitchen made the blog last year, so of course I wasn't going to miss out on this season's firey spats amoungst food. This season was spiced by the usual cornicopia of personalities. One large Asian guy (which in and of itself might be an oxymoron) who fainted mid stir because he literally couldn't take the heat was one of the standout moments of the season. Julia, a Waffle House short order cook and waitress, was a pure joy to watch. Seriously, Waffle House might be the one of the scuzziest places on earth but man do they know how to cook eggs and hashbrowns. So Julia always seemed to be in charge of anything involving eggs (which made me giggle each time I witnessed such occurances). On one occasion 5 of the remaining cooks were thrown into a high school cafeteria and ordered to produce 150 lunches for the students after which the students would partake of and choose a winner for the best lunch. Julia's gourmet decision...Grilled chicken and cheese sandwiches with fries....an item I KNOW FOR A FACT they serve at Waffle House....HEEE! AND SHE WON! Oh the irony...gourmet waffle house. She was actually kicked off at the end of this episode but I still enjoyed her thoroughly. The final two were two chefs named Bonnie and Rock. Bonnie was a personal chef and nanny for some high folutin' (thats some southern talk for ya) folks in some New England state. While Rock was a chef in like a real fancy shmancy restuarant and everything, so lets think about who would win this thing. In the finale they bring back all the fired chefs to help the finalists in the last competition. Oh joy to watch. Some of the people were still bitter about being fired so they would purposefully "forget" to do things...ahhh bitterness bodes for brilliancy! (I know you just loved that alliteration) Rock pulled it out in the end (let me tell you it wasn't exactly a breath holder). And Bonnie's all like...I didn't really want to win...I don't think I really want to run a huge restuarant....at which point I just stared at the TV because FREAK WHY WERE YOU ON THE SHOW THEN?! But she's a pretty little blond thing...so we all know why she was a finalist.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

Ok so this finale just went live last night...and I was at the temple...and BOY AM I GLAD I WAS! BECAUSE IT WAS STUPID! Ok so for all those living amongst wild animals in a cave for the last 3 months, So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) basically pits good dancers against each other in an old school dance off. They start out with 10 guys and 10 girls, pair them up and make them dance crazy routines, and at the end of the show one pair goes home because they just couldn't shake their groove thing hard enough. Throughout the season there were some choice and I mean CHOICE! routines...then came the finale...and it was LAME. The 4 finalists I'm sure danced their hardest but the choreography just didn't make my heart sing the way it should have. I mean one routine which the two final girls (Lacey and Sabra) performed was supposed to be them being FOXES....no not foxy...but foxes like the animals...so in the beginning Sabra's laying on the floor pretending to be asleep or dead I really can't tell and then Lacey comes skulking out dressed all in black with a red bandana in her mouth. Ok so when was the last time you saw a fox with a red bandana in its mouth...so I'm thinking Wade (the choreographer) doesn't know what a fox is and somehow has it confused with a robber. Anyway so Lacey continues to skulk over to Sabra and drops the red bandana on her and then begins to nudge her with her head...ahhhh to wake her up...SHES ALIVE! So Lacey is like the momma fox and Sabra is like the baby fox...they prance around the stage for about 2 minutes...nothing remotely exciting happens and then its over. Crickets. I think the audience is still wondering what the heck it was they just watched. Because I think it was supposed to be all symbolic of the animal kingdom but in reality its about as symbolic as poo. AND THIS WAS ONE OF THE FINALE DANCES!! So the judges kind of look at each other and shrug their shoulders and were like...um so you pranced really well...but I didn't get it. HA! I'm proven right by their comments and because of that I'm content. Anyway, then there were some other dances...and judges judged..and then america voted...and the WRONG PERSON WON! The girl who had only been dancing for 4 years, Sabra, beat out everybody. and I have to say it was the wrong choice...don't get me wrong she was alright...but she wasn't all that talented...I mean Danny the ballet guy...while obviously struggling with his sexuality...could DANCE...twist, turn, and turn and turn...I mean the guy could REALLY dance. And Lacey...she knew how to entertain...and dance...something that is just hard to find apparently. So those were the two people I thought should win...but NO...of course they didn't win...I mean they were only the best...anyway..thats why the show was stupid.

Well so there you go. This summer's top rated shows summarized for your pleasure. Now can we please get back to the REAL television. HOUSE, HEROES, etc!!! It's about time!

2007-03-30T12:39:00.000-06:00

100 Things You Might Not Have Known About Me!

100. I once ate half a caterpillar. I was like 3 so don't judge me.
99. I can't spit. I pretty much look like Mulan, from that hit movie Mulan, when I try to spit. It's just gross.
98. I like carrots more than chips....I know it's weird.
97. My eyes change colors. This I think is a pretty common occurance among the general population. They go from blue to green depending on what I'm wearing.
96. I once had an almond stuck in my lung. I put it there on purpose.
95. I didn't really learn how to drive until I was 18....I learned in one day and then went to get my license...they didn't even make me take the driving test because it was almost closing time and they were lazy old ladies.
94. When I was a baby I could projectile vomit 4 feet.
93. I've performed in Disney World...it's not that cool. What was cool was seeing Mickey with his head off!!! Now THAT was cool.
92. I went through a whole winter in Utah with my bedroom window open...partially because I didn't know how to shut it and partially because it was broken....I was very cold.
91. I've met Kofi Annan, former United Nations Secretary General.
90. I learned how to drive a stick shift in a porsche on the Auto Lot in Georgia (where I worked one summer).
89. I love flip flops, but my feet hate them. I get blisters on the sides of my feet everytime I try to wear them. It's pretty annoying.
88. My first name is Racheal....that's right look at the spelling people....you'll probably never see it again.
87. I hate lima beans....and I mean hate....like bitter dark intense hatred that makes you recoil in fear.
86. I've been in the tunnels under the BYU library. They're dark and moist, and not all that exciting. But they're bigger than you'd think they'd be...because they have to fit a golf cart down there to transport important church authorities.
85. I've shared a cab with Kristi Yamaguchi. Ok, not really "share" but she got into the cab as I was getting out of it..but it was totally the same cab.
84. I took a class at BYU, we'll call it a Cowboy class, where I rode horses and branded cattle, and then read books about cowboys and wrote papers on it....it was pretty cool.
83. I've met Hugh B. Nibley. He came into the BYU library all the time...cause thats where his office was. He was a cute little man, about 5'5 and always wore a sky blue cardigan that reminded me of Mr. Rogers.
82. I'm going to be married to Gregory J. Hawes, forever and ever and ever, and am still pretty excited about it.
81. I've never won anything on the radio...ever. I suck at winning random drawings or anything call in.
80. I slept on the floor my entire high school career...by choice. I liked sleeping on the floor better than in my bed.
79. I love cats but will never be able to have one because Greg is allergic.
78. I tend to take medicine in high quantities. This isn't necessarily a good thing.
77. One year at girls camp I got in trouble for telling a pianist joke. They said it was crude.
76. I love chinese food...especially egg rolls....I could live off those things.
75. Another thing I could live off of is salad.
74. I once owned a Lisa Frank trapper keeper, and it matched my Lisa Frank backpack. I thought I was pretty darn cool.
73. I have cut myself with children's scissors before. Don't ask me how thats even possible because I still can't answer that question.
72. I bought Titanic..the movie...not the ship... and never watched it.
71. I've stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise.
70. I really love Cold Stone....the ice cream place...I should live there.
69. I don't like frozen pizza at all....probably due to the fact I threw it up once. Of course that might have been because I had a piece of pizza followed by a helping of sweet potatoes...which might not be a good combination.
68. I've seen a colt take it's first steps...they were wobbly but they totally counted.
67. Baby Ruth candy bars!!! Heaven!!
66. I can't ice skate, but every winter olympics I wish I could.
65. I used to want to be a jet fighter pilot like Maverick on Top Gun, then I found out you had to join the Navy...and go through boot camp....I figured that was a bad idea.
64. Every school morning when I was little I would watch Mr. Wizard whilst eating my breakfast...I thought it was the coolest show EVER.
63. I had the nickname Squeakers for quite some time because one day I was talking to my roommate and I all of a sudden looked at her and said "My bra squeaks like a barn door." She thought that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard of.
62. I love milk...I drink a whole gallon a week...by myself.
61. I haven't been stung by a bee in over 20 years.
60. I've only been fishing once in my life.
59. I graduated from High School with the same kids that I went to Kindergarten with.
58. Whenever I have a bad dream I hum church hymns to myself....The next time I sing that hymn in church I remember that bad dream. (it's a vicious cycle)
57. I'm not sure if I'm smarter than a 5th grader....I tend to miss some of the questions on that show.
56. However I'm a wiz at Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition...LOVE IT!
55. One of the goals in my life is to learn the entire Animaniacs "Nations of the World" song....listen to it....I'm sure it'll become one of your goals as well.
54. I'm the only person in the entire world to have seen The Spice Girls movie 3 times in the theater....Twice on dates with guys where they were allowed to pick the movie and the third with a friend where we mercilessly ripped it apart. I'm not proud of this....but its true and theres nothing I can do about it.
53. I've been stepped on by a horse...he stepped on my foot....I had a very blue foot for about 2 weeks.
52. I know a very little Latin. It's truly a dead language....
51. I had a professor die during a semester at BYU....it was a little awkward...they canceled the class for a day and then the next time we came to class we had a new teacher....we didn't know she had died until somebody asked.
50. I have 3 pictures on my living room wall above the TV, one of the pictures is perpetually crooked and I can't fix it because I'm too short...and Greg doesn't really care.
49. I tend to leave boxes and packets and ties around the milk caps on the kitchen shelf. This really annoys Greg....so I'm working on that.
48. I like to keep my shoes under my bed....and not in the hall closet.
47. I'm a little OCD.
46. So little in fact, that I used to have horrible visions of my siblings and parents being killed in the middle of the night so I would get up and check to make sure they were all breathing...I would do this by holding my hand near their nose to see if I could feel their breath.
45. The bedroom door HAS to be shut for me to fall asleep.
44. I love watching scary movies with my ears plugged....it's the music thats really scary anyway.
43. I have a scar on my leg because my brother decided it was a good idea to put a flaming hot pan in the dishwasher and I leaned against it when I went to put my own plate in the dishwasher.
42. I have a scar on my chin because I fell up the stairs when I was young. It didn't hurt and I got a cool snoopy bandaid because of it. Oh and I swear to this day that they used a paint brush type thing to put the orange iodine on my chin.
41. I once lost my wedding ring in the grass while playing softball. (Greg found it though) Moral:Don't wear jewerly whilst playing sports.
40. I've been in one car accident in my life while I was driving. A girl hit me while I was waiting at a stop light. (ummmm she didn't know red meant stop)
39. I've gotten one speeding ticket in my life....I was going 92 in a 75 on the highway in a small town in Utah on my way to California. Beaver, Utah....don't ever go there.
38. I've never had a horrible haircut in my life.
37. I don't bite my nails....I tend to rip them off when they get too long.
36. My feet are apparently too small for my height. My sister says I look funny.
35. I don't think I look like myself in pictures.
34. I can get ready for work in the morning in 15 minutes. (this is only if I absolutely have to...so I rarely actually get ready in 15 minutes)
33. I love reading.
32. I want to write a book. But I don't have any good ideas for a Best Seller yet.
31. I hardly ever wear jewerly besides my wedding rings. My sisters say I need to learn to accessorize.
30. I almost burned my face off at Christmas trying to make Andes Mint chocolates. Don't worry I still have my eyebrows. (and just so you know there were actual flames)
29. I hate fruit flies. I have no idea why God created them. They are perhaps the most annoying creatures on the planet....especially when they're in your kitchen for 6 weeks and WON'T DIE!
28. I have a very odd resume. I've worked as a waitress, a librarian, a driver at an Auto-Auction, an International Bio-photonic Scanner Calibrator, a Staffing Manager, a Marketing Manager, and the Director of Operations.
27. I think my body is a funny shape...and therefore shirts fit funny....my mother tells me it's hour-glass figure....I don't believe her.
26. I rub my eyes way too much and people are constantly telling me to stop it.
25. I rub my eyes because I have this OCD fear that I have eye boogers in the corners or am about to have eye boogers in the corners.
24. My mouth is the size of a 3 1/2 yr. old. This makes the dentist hate me.
23. My wisdom teeth are never going to come in.
22. I've had 10 cavities at one time once....my mother believes this is because they put sugar in the mouthwash they gave us at the Dentist's office.
21. I can read a book more than once and not be at all bored.
20. When I used to swim in meets I would imagine there was a shark after me and I had to swim for my life. (that was the only thing that motivated me to go fast....I didn't care about the person next to me)
19. I once bruised my heels doing a flip turn. I hit them so hard I blacked out for a second and people had to jump in and pull me out. I thought that was very ironic.
18. I like to think I can dance....but I'm pretty sure I can't.
17. I hate to run. Hate it with a passion.
16. I like that feeling I get when I put on a pair of jeans that I've worn a couple of times (without yet washing) so they're all stretched out and comfortable. It makes me feel like I've lost weight. Of course this feeling vanishes when I try to put them on after washing and drying them.
15. I have fat cheeks....I'm pretty sure I don't even have cheek bones. Greg likes to call me Chubby Bunny....even when I don't have any marshmellows in my mouth....
14. I hate marshmellows.
13. I can only sing soprano....I'm not smart enough to sing anything but the melody.
12. I'm pretty sure I have the smelliest feet on the planet.
11. I hate feet in general. (probably because mine smell)
10. I always forget to lock the car door.
9. I used to fall asleep in Calculus class every morning. (and I sat in the front row so it kind of annoyed my teacher I think)
8. I didn't really care that it annoyed my teacher because she couldn't teach anyway.
7. I'm pretty much MacGyver....I once fixed a running toilet with dental floss....ok maybe not MacGyver but like his first cousin.
6. I hate driving in traffic, at night, in the snow, or any other condition where I might die.
5. I get really bored when I take days off from work.
4. I am now an early riser....though genetically I'm predisposed to sleep in.
3. I love Jelly Belly Jelly Beans and can tell you what flavor the bean is just by looking at it. (oh and I love the buttered popcorn flavored ones....there are two types of people in this world...those who like buttered popcorn flavored jelly bellys and those who don't.)
2. I love board games. Scrabble is my favorite.
1. I know for a fact that I can't lick my elbow.

2006-09-08T09:49:00.000-06:00

Born Free

At 5:30 one night I came home from work to find two of my roommates (there are 7 of us total in the house I'm living in) standing on the couch screaming and pointing. This is only slightly unusual so I asked them what was going on. More screaming in high pitches only dogs can hear followed, but I was able to decipher one word..."mouse." I laughed and wondered why on earth two grown females would be scared of a little mouse. A horrible tale of a demon attack mouse followed. While I was standing there the little thing ran out of the living room and into the kitchen. More screaming, more high pitches and pleas for help. So I went downstairs and got the broom. I figured I'd just sweep the thing outside..no big deal. This however proved harder than I originally thought because I had to sweep the mouse down a few stairs first and then out the back door. My roommates moved from the couches to standing on chairs in the kitchen cheering me on. I tried to guide the mouse to freedom using two different styles of manuevering...one was the croquet method...where you scoot the mouse as far as possible across the floor to the door...and the hurling method (you know the olympic ice sport) where you guide the mouse from the front to the place where you want it. After about 30 minutes of this I was finally able to set the mouse free, and there was much rejoicing in the house. About an hour later my other roommate came home. She went into her room and then about ten minutes later came out and asked, "Hey have you guys seen Penny?" All of us wondered who Penny was. "My new mouse. " You see my roommate has a unique affinity to rodents and her rat had died a few weeks prior and apparently she had just bought a new mouse that morning. Good thing my roommate has a sense of humor...we bought her a new mouse upon the condition that she make sure the cage is escape proof....and we promised not to play croquet with the new one.

2006-09-08T09:28:00.001-06:00

Chair Suicide

So I had a little incident last night...I was outside talking on my cell phone...I was talking outside because I live in a dungeon/nuclear bomb shelter that gets absolutely no reception...just sitting on my "front porch"...maybe I should explain what Utah deems a front porch....its a concrete slab about 30 cm by 1 yard with what can only be described as football turf covering it...I think the Barbie dreamhouse had a bigger porch than we do (my roommates and I)...anyway I'm sitting in one of those camp chairs talking away when suddenly my chair decides it can't take being stuck on this poor excuse for a forest and throws itself down the stairs....now these aren't your regular stairs I think they were made out of very sharp metal and then covered with spikes and this wasn't a nice fall by any means...you know the type where you can catch yourself and then play it off as if you meant to do that...like all of a sudden you had the overwhelming desire to make sure the floor of the porch really was there or something...anyway as I'm flying through the air...actually it was more like tumbling down the three stairs I'm thinking to myself...Ow this hurts. Now I know what you're all thinking...it was only three stairs right...it couldn't have been all that bad...but remember the sharp metal and spikes so falling down those stairs was the equivilent of falling about two stories. So I get up, brush myself off, and off course look around to see if anybody had seen the what could only have been a hilarious sight. Nobody was there...so I picked up the cell phone and started talking again like nothing happened....but this time I just sat in the grass...it was a lot safer.

2006-07-03T14:12:00.002-06:00

Anniversaries!

So it was our 6 month anniversary last Friday....the 30th of June marked half a year. Fortunately we both remembered on Thursday (the day before) and made a mental note to wish each other happy anniversary on Friday. You know month anniversaries are kind of dumb. I've realized this....I guess the first half a year anniversary is a little momentous but you know when we've been married for 33 years I doubt we'll take time to reflect on our 33 and 1/2 year anniversary.
Some people celebrate all the anniversaries...the first time they met, the first time they went out, the first time they kissed, the first time they both ordered water at a resturant...etc. To be honest, I don't remember the dates of any of those things...and I seriously doubt Greg does either (especially the water one). And thats ok with us.
When we got married the Patriarch asked us "How long will you remember this day?" Greg and I both figured that he was talking about the DAY...not the actual symbolic meaning of the day and the covenants we made to one another...I answered "30 minutes at least" and Greg said "I guess a year"....needless to say the man gave us a dirty look....
Dates aren't important to either Greg or me. We just kind of go with the flow. We didn't keep the top of our cake (I believe my family ate it soon after we left the reception hall)....shoot we didn't even cut our own cake (we had my grandpa do that...I know...weird huh...) I'm sure though when the actual year anniversaries role around we'll give each other a high five or a "good game" slap to commemorate the occasion...and when we're old and gray and can't remember the "day" we'll just be satisfied we still remember we have the same last name.

I call this the cancer patient look....all my hair is stuffed into my hat.... oh and those are Greg's pants and sweatshirt...apparently my "southern' clothes wouldn't keep me warm enough so I had to go Minnesotan.

2006-07-03T13:08:00.001-06:00

HOT DOG!

As the Fourth of July fast approaches I stop to ponder a question that has racked the minds of even the greatest of philosophers. "What is in a hot dog?" I've heard the rumors....and I'm sure you've heard the rumors as well... So I spent some time researching this age old question. Here's what I found.

From the "National Hot Dog and Sausage Council": (Ummmm yeah apparently they have a council for EVERYTHING nowadays)

First, specially selected meat trimmings of beef and/or pork -- just like the meat you buy in your grocer's case -- are cut or ground into small pieces and placed in a mixer. When poultry hot dogs are made, poultry trimmings are used.

High speed, stainless steel choppers blend the meat, spices, ice chips and curing ingredients into an emulsion or batter. The mixture is continuously weighed to assure a proper balance of all ingredients.

The mixture is then pumped into an automatic stuffer/linker machine, where it flows into casings. The most popular brands of hot dogs use cellulose casings, which are later removed. Some wieners use natural casings, which remain on the wiener when it is eaten. These wieners are considered more "traditional," are frequently made by smaller manufacturers and tend to cost a little more.

Once the casings are filled, they are linked into long strands of hot dogs and moved to the smokehouse, there they are fully cooked under controlled temperature and humidity conditions. They may be hardwood smoked for added color and flavor.

After passing through the smoke and cook cycle, the hot dogs are showered in cool water. If the hot dogs were made with cellulose casings, they are sent to an automatic peeler, where the cellulose "skin" is stripped away.

The individual links are then conveyed to the packaging equipment. When cellulose casings are used, the hot dogs are of exact size and weight. They are vacuum sealed in plastic films to protect the freshness and flavor of the hot dog. Because the casings on natural casings wieners are made from cleaned and processed animal intestines, they are of similar, but not exact, size.

BEWARE THE VARIETY MEATS LABEL!!!

The NHDSC went on to tell all that when the package is labeled "with variety meats" then it will more probably contain all the of gross stuff we've heard about in all the rumors (note: they specifically mention hearts). So from now on CHECK THE LABELS!!!! Variety Meats=BAD

Just think of this Simpson clip....

So basically Lisa was pondering the "with variety meats" hot dogs.....GROSSS!

And with that I wish you all a Happy 4th of July!

2006-06-21T13:00:00.003-06:00

STUPID BIRDS

Ok so birds have to be the stupidest (most stupid??) creatures on earth. All morning long a robin has been flying at full speed into my window....over and over and over. He sits on the tree outside my window and then suddenly and without any provocation attacks my window, banging his head, and then kind of gimply flies onto the nearest branch. This same sequence then repeats 5 minutes later. I'm thinking that since my windows are tinted the bird is seeing a reflection of himself and thinks he's attacking a potential enemy...that or he's so narcissistic that he has literally fallen in love with himself and in an effort to woo himself flies over to the window in the hopes of relieving his most affectionate come-on line only to be thwarted with a loud WHACK and an injured right leg. And maybe his mission president told him he should be persistent in his wooing (an excuse I've heard many times when young fellows aren't getting the hint and have resorted to stalking) so he keeps continuing the harrowing process of courting. Who knows?

And while I'm ranting about stupid birds....lets discuss Seagulls. They might be the dumbest of this dumb species. (Ever seen Finding Nemo...point proven) I remember once I was walking to BYU from my Grandparent's home one brisk morning (permit me now to digress about the weather in Utah...because I remember on this particular morning I woke up... got all ready, put my sandals on and was running out the door...because I was so LATE...when I got about 3 steps out of the door and realized that there was FROST on the ground....it had been like 80 degrees just the day before and now there was FROST....that's just disappointing, not to mention toe numbing...but I was late and a sandal switch could not be afforded.) so I'm crossing the mission field (the field in front of the MTC-Missionary Training Center- that only the missionaries can play on....every member a missionary was my answer to that veiled threat) and I see this flock of Seagulls...seriously there were about 50 of them just prancing about. Well I was not about to be detoured from my path across and just began walking right through them. I knew this would probably cause them to fly away and I was fine with that. However I did not expect what really happened. So I'm walking through the midst of the flock when they ALL take off. I figure they're goin to go land closer to the temple or at least 100 yards away...NOT 2 feet away directly in front of me. So basically by the time they're about to land I'm now walking in "their NEW space." So they take off again and ONCE AGAIN land two feet in front of me and take off again. This happened THE ENTIRE TIME I was crossing the mission field. I don't know....maybe they were attack seagulls hired by the church to ambush non-missionaries. But my point is still the fact that BIRDS ARE STUPID CREATURES!

Fire and Ice

2006-06-20T13:52:00.002-06:00

Fire and Ice

So last night the final game of the Stanley Cup was played. The Carolina Hurricanes beat the Edmunton Oilers in a heart-stopping game with the final score being 3-1.

Ok I'm lying just a little bit. The game wasn't heart stopping....Greg loved it...but I was bored. I have to admit that since I've gotten married (5 1/2 months ago) I've probably watched more sports than the rest of my whole life combined. Sometimes its fine (I love college football season)...other times....I'm just going to say it....I hate baseball. It's completely boring to watch (I would compare it to watching bowling or golf). And it seems to be the absolute longest season of any sport (except for basketball, but I actually enjoy watching basketball....). Anyway....so last night we watched the Stanley Cup Finals....and during the commercials we turned it to a more (in my opinion) interesting show called Hell's Kitchen. If none of you have ever seen the show it's basically Surivior in a kitchen. There are teams and they have to make the best food in the best time yadda yadda yadda. The host is this really mean chef named Gordon who just yells all the time. It's great let me tell you. So between ice brawls we threw ourselves into the fire of the kitchen (hence the title of this blog).

One thing I did learn about Hockey though was it's probably one of the most tiring sports EVER. These guys skate around at full speed, get knocked around by other burly no-toothed men and not only have to stay on their feet but remain in control of a big stick and a small puck (which is like a ball but flat). One thing I noticed immediately is the ratio of mullet-headed men far surpassed the men without. I began to wonder if that was apart of the uniform requirements. I mean I had always heard the jokes about Hockey Players...I just assumed they were jokes....to my surprise they're not just jokes but facts. Maybe they're like Sampson of old, they think if they keep their hair long and don't cut it they will gain extra puck powers and be able to play better. I really don't know. It's merely an observation.

So the Carolina Hurricanes won, this in general I found to be surprising....because isn't Canada known for Hockey....certainly hockey isn't one of the South's stronger sports. But maybe this is just another way the South has found to stick it to the North. Some still say the South will rise again....maybe this is just the beginning.